


full blown love

by andrewraynes (mllevangogh)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Domestic Fluff, Dreams and Nightmares, Dubious Science, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Porn With Plot, Size Difference, Size Kink, Taako learns how to have Emotions, twin feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-17 16:21:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13080669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mllevangogh/pseuds/andrewraynes
Summary: Lup dies. Taako has nightmares. Magnus stays awake with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coyotesuspect](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coyotesuspect/gifts).



> Merry Christmas to my favorite gremlin. 
> 
> This fic got away from me very unexpectedly - Part II is forthcoming. 
> 
> Possible warnings: body horror (in nightmares, but if you're sensitive, fair warning); death (obviously; Lup dies reaallll early in). 
> 
> What is this? Is it angst? Is it fluff? Is it an adventure narrative? We just don't know!

To be honest, immortality suits Taako just fine. Living year after year while retaining his youth? Paradise, darling. 

 

Aside from, you know, the looming spectre of doom and destruction. And the constant fear that something bad might happen to Lup. And on that count, Lup seems pretty hell-bent on having something bad happen to her. Lup’s always been the impulsive one, adventurous and temperamental, but immortality -- or as close to it as they’ve ever thought possible -- brings out her daring side. 

 

Anxiety doesn’t look good on Taako.

 

But Taako hasn’t gotten this far without being good at concealing his emotions. Cool as a cucumber, babe, that’s him. Go ahead and try and fluster him. 

 

Lup maybe sees through it, but she doesn’t say anything. It’s easier that way. She can be the doer, and Taako can be the worrier. The logical one. The cynical one, Lup would say, and she wouldn’t be alone in that assessment. But how do you get anywhere without being a little cynical? How do you  _ survive?  _ Sometimes Taako wonders if Lup remembers what their childhood had been like. Nothing had been easy. Nothing was guaranteed. Taako learned that quickly. You watch out for you and yours, and everyone does the same. It’s just that Taako considers Lup a part of himself, as intrinsic as his own blood. He could no more stop worrying for Lup than he could stop breathing. That level of care causes some problems, logistically speaking. 

 

Taako would leave every single member of IPRE behind, and every universe they’ve visited, just to keep her safe. He would brave down the apocalypse -- and he has, time and time again.

 

Lup doesn’t like to make his job easy.

 

“We’re meant to be  _ brave,”  _ she tells him in that voice of hers. It’s magnetic, operatic. Just like Lup herself. “If we aren’t risking everything we have, what’s the point of it all?”

 

Taako had steeled himself, touching her face. “ _ You  _ don’t have to be the one risking your life every time, though.”

 

But that’s not how Lup is made.

 

Taako knows that Barry loves her. Maybe Barry loves her as much as Taako does. Maybe he loves her differently. But it’s inconceivable that Barry could love her more. 

 

Death, after the twentieth time or so, doesn’t stop being traumatic. But it becomes sustainable, an awful abuse they all must endure.  _ Oh, Davenport’s dead for the rest of the year. Everyone be on your toes.  _ But it doesn’t make the loss easier to know it’s temporary. Their bodies are still their bodies, and they’re still dead. 

 

Lup dies one year. Well, Lup dies a couple of years. But one year it’s really bad, the year they end up in a world with no people but trees that speak, and move. And attack. That year, Taako’s holding her as she goes. It happens early in the year, which is the worst part -- they’ve only been chasing after the Light of Creation for two months or so. And the way she dies is so human - it’s not one of the Trees that gets her. Instead, it’s a fall.

 

The planet is covered in thick forests in which some of the trees are just trees, and some of them are Trees, which are the kind that aren’t happy they’re there. Lucretia thinks -- and Taako agrees -- that they can communicate with the Trees, somehow, let them know they’re just researchers, but thus far, they haven’t had much success. Life, day-to-day, is constant vigilance, listening for the high pitch vibrations that accompany a Tree’s approach. He, Lucretia, and Lup have set out one day to a high, bare peak that they think might serve as a good place for observation, or at least gain them some kind of tactical advantage. The path there is rough, though, and the trek transverses sharp ravines and craggy, rocky roads. Lup, of course, loves this. That’s what does her in. She thinks she can make a jump that she can’t. There’s a deep ravine with a rocky ledge on the other side that Lup thinks she can make it over to. “I can make it,” she swears. “And if I hold onto this rope, I can secure it to that boulder, and you all can climb across.”

 

“It’s too risky,” says Lucretia, and for once Taako agrees with her, gesturing passionately toward her like, what she said.

 

Lup shakes her head. “I can do it,” she insists. She turns toward Taako, holding his hands in hers. “Taako, don’t you trust me?”

 

Taako closes his eyes. He’s never been able to refuse her anything. 

 

In the end, being right is no victory. 

 

She makes her way onto the ledge,  _ almost.  _ She loses her footing at the last second, tumbling into the ravine below. There’s a sickening crack as she hits the side, and Taako screams. 

 

_ “Lup!”  _

 

Lucretia’s already comming back to the ship, her usually calm voice frantic. Davenport’s there in an instant with a pod, lifting her up out of the thick brush in the ravine below. When he retrieves her, she’s got a root puncturing her side, and she’s breathing shallowly. Her skin looks sallow. Davenport deposits her on the ground gently and Taako’s there in an instant, cradling her in his arms, her hair fanning around her head like a golden halo. She’s trying to form words, her mouth shaking. There’s a little blood trickling from her mouth, which makes Taako nauseous. He doesn’t let go of her. 

 

“Come on,”  he says, fingers in her hair. “Come on. What are you saying, Lup, I’m here -- ”

 

Lup reaches up and clutches Taako’s collar, looking straight into his eyes. “ _ Oops _ ,” she says, giving a little laugh, and then she dies. Taako watches it. The light goes right out of her eyes. 

 

He screams, maybe; he’s not sure. He puts his forehead against hers, just to feel the warmth that’s still there. Lucretia and Davenport are misty-eyed. Davenport puts a hand on Taako’s back. “I’m sorry,” he says, voice cracking. “I’m really sorry, Taako.”   
  


“We’ve gotta bury her,” says Taako. “I don’t care that she’s coming back, we’ve got to bury her. We can’t just leave her body out here.”

 

“Of course,” says Lucretia. “Of course. We’ll bury her.”

 

They bring her back to the Starblaster. Taako can't get over how  _ dead  _ she looks. How that much life can just be sucked out of someone, just like that. 

 

He's stony and silent when they board the ship. Davenport takes her to the medbay, and Taako instinctively follows until Lucretia puts a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“You need rest,” she says kindly, and Taako wrenches himself from her grip. 

 

“I'll rest later.” 

 

She makes a sound of exasperation, looking helplessly over his head. Taako turns to see Magnus there. His eyes are cloudy. 

 

“You gotta let her go,” he says. 

 

Taako snaps, “What do you know about this? What do you know about loss?”

 

Magnus spreads his hands, a gesture of peace. “Some,” he says. “I know some. But I know more about you. She's coming back. I promise. You gotta let her go, man.”

 

Taako looks behind him, at Lup’s disappearing body. He turns back to Magnus, looking him squarely in the eye. “You don't know  _ shit _ ,” he says, and turns on his heel. 

 

They don't inter her after all, fearing retribution from the Trees. So they cremate her, stick her in a box that Davenport gives to Taako to keep in his quarters. If he gets to keep the ashes next time they regenerate, they'll be a fun gift to give to Lup. 

 

_ Here you go,  _ he'll say.  _ Left something behind, when you jumped.  _

 

That night, Taako can't sleep. He can hear the Trees speaking in the distance, can feel Lup staring at him from her box. He gets up and pads to the kitchen, sweating faintly. He whips up pancakes, then eggs, then bacon, each one at a time. He's in the middle of flipping the bacon when he hears behind him, “I couldn't sleep, either.”

 

Taako jumps, spinning in defense, the spoon stretched out before him like a sword. 

 

It's Magnus, dressed in just his red IPRE pajama pants, leaning against the door frame. He folds his arms across his chest, hiding the latticework of scars Taako knows covers most of it. 

 

“Which twin sister did you burn today?” asks Taako flippantly, and is gratified to see Magnus wince. 

 

“Dude,” he says, voice heavy, “I get it. You're in mourning. It's unfair. But don't be a dick to people who love you, asshole.”

 

Taako snorts, turning the burner off and putting the bacon pan on a cool burner. “You  _ love  _ me,” he says. 

 

Magnus enters the kitchen, looking awkward. “Well,  _ yeah,”  _ he says. “I love everyone on this crew. Don’t you? We’ve spent decades together, Taako, don’t you  _ love  _ us?” 

 

Taako turns away again, pretending to busy himself with the food. Love does not factor into his equation. Love has not gotten him anything. Taako loves and trusts one person unequivocally, and that’s Lup. He’s had to accept the others into his circle of trust by necessity of their mission, but that doesn’t mean he likes it. That doesn’t mean he  _ loves  _ them. Love is a vulnerable, fragile thing. It isn’t weakness, per se, but it makes it easier to be hurt. Magnus loves everyone. Magnus falls in love twice, three times per day, over and over again. He’s a raw nerve. 

 

Taako looks at the plate he’s holding and realizes his hand’s shaking. “I’m not built that way,” he says. 

 

Magnus makes a sound of pity, maybe, or disbelief. He comes to stand next to Taako, taking the plate from his hands gently. Taako thinks he’s going to lecture him. 

 

“Let’s eat,” he says instead. “Go. Sit. I’ll plate.”

 

Taako looks up at him, staring blankly. “Why do you -- ”

 

“ _ Go,”  _ says Magnus, more firmly. “Sit.” 

 

Taako sits. Magnus dishes them hearty servings of the pancakes, eggs, and bacon, and Taako watches his back muscles move beneath his brown skin. He swallows dryly. 

 

Magnus sets the plate down in front of them, juggling silverware in his left hand. 

 

“Bon appetit,” he says, like he made it, and Taako would retort if he wasn’t so hungry. They’re delicious, of course. Just like he knew they would be. The eggs have red pepper in them. That’s his secret. 

 

Magnus makes it through one bite before proclaiming, loudly, “ _ Damn,  _ Taako, these are  _ delicious,”  _ his mouth stuffed with food. 

 

Taako rolls his eyes, privately gratified. “Eat up, big man,” he says, and Magnus eagerly complies, scarfing down his food in seconds flat. 

 

“Seriously,” he says, while Taako delicately enjoys his pancakes, “you have a real gift for this. You should like, take a class or something. Open a restaurant. Have a cooking show.”

 

Taako resists smiling, turning slightly pink. He’s a glutton for compliments, sue him. “If we get a chance, in between saving the universe, yeah,” he says with dry humor, but it’s not venomous this time. There’s something about food that absorbs all the anger in him. 

 

“Remember me,” insists Magnus, “if you ever make it to the big time with cooking. That’s all I ask. Maybe a meal every now and then. But you don’t even have to pay me royalties for the idea.”

 

Taako loses his fight with his smile; it eases onto his face despite his protests. “Alright,” he says. “If I ever make it to the big time for my cooking, I promise I’ll remember you. I’ll mention you by name on my first broadcast.” 

 

Magnus grins, satisfied. 

 

When Taako’s finished, Magnus leaps up, grabbing both their plates, scraping the crumbs into the trash. Taako would ordinarily allow Magnus to clean up after him alone, slinking back to bed, but he used his cast iron skillet, the good one, and wants to make sure Magnus doesn’t fuck it up. As a result, he ends up perched on the counter next to the sink while Magnus washes dishes under Taako’s supervision. Magnus is slow and deliberate, nearly infuriatingly so, but it’s soothing to watch too. And yeah. The view’s not bad. 

 

Taako kicks his legs, his heels thudding against the counter. “The pan I cooked the pancakes in is nonstick,” he says, leaning past Magnus’s arms to look at what he’s washing. “Don’t scratch it too hard, or the finish will come off.”

 

Magnus hums, complying. “You know,” he says, drying it and placing it in the rack, “I  _ have  _ washed dishes before.”

 

“You probably wash dishes like a man most of the time, though,” says Taako. “Probably leave soap on them and everything.” 

 

Magnus grins, looking pleased. “Something like that,” he agrees. 

 

He’s putting away the last dish when Taako says, casually, looking down at his nails, “I don’t think you love me, anyway.”

 

Magnus puts the dishtowel over his bare shoulder, leaning with one arm against the sink. “How do you figure,” he says, slowly. 

 

“Because love is -- stupid,” says Taako. “You’ve gotta be crazy to love someone. It sucks all the time, and it’s always scary, and you’re always afraid something bad is going to happen to them. But you don’t have another choice. You love them.”

 

Magnus frowns. “That doesn’t have to be the way it is,” he says. 

 

Taako can feel his gaze boring into the side of his face. 

 

“Maybe it does,” he says, quietly, “for me. I told you. I’m not built like that.” He swings his feet faster, banging against the counter like a drum,  _ bang bang bang bang.  _

 

Magnus does something surprising. He puts one of his huge hands on Taako’s knee, steadying it. Taako stops kicking. He looks up at him. Magnus’s eyes are earnest and huge.     
  


“That’s not how  _ I’m _ built,” he says. “That’s not the kind of love that I know.”

 

Taako swallows. “Okay,” he says, stupidly. “Okay, I’ll bite. What’s the kind of love you know, my guy?”

 

Magnus doesn’t blink. “It’s the best,” he says, earnestly. “It’s reckless, sure, but it means caring for someone so deeply that they’re a part of you. That you’ll look out for them, even when they aren’t looking out for themselves. That you’d make sacrifices for them, if necessary. But it isn’t stupid to love. It’s a strength.” 

 

Taako’s stomach flips.  _ “That’s  _ what you feel,” he says, “about  _ me?”  _

 

Magnus shrugs. He hasn’t taken his hand off Taako’s knee. “Yeah,” he says, like it’s easy. “Of course.” He meets Taako’s gaze, and it’s intentional and full of something murky that Taako can’t quite place. 

 

Magnus takes his hand off Taako’s knee, puts the dishtowel on the back of the chair he’d sat in. “That’s how I love all of you.”

 

Taako nods. He feels stupid disappointment, but that’s to be expected. Taako likes being everyone’s favorite; it doesn’t matter whose. Taako wants a big, muscular man to like him best. What else is new. “Okay,” he says, hopping off the counter. “I’ll consider it.”

 

He's halfway to the door when Magnus says, “Lup believes in love, Taako. And she wants you to believe in it, too.”

 

Taako stops. 

 

_ Present tense,  _ he thinks, a strange heat filling his chest.  _ He talked about her in present tense.  _

 

He leaves without looking back. 

 

+++

 

The Trees start sending them dreams. Merle is the first to get one, an awful, sprawling nightmare that he refuses to speak about in detail, much to everyone else's chagrin. 

 

“They really don't like us,” is all he'll say, and Lucretia sighs in frustration. 

 

“Well, they haven't killed us yet,” offers Magnus. “Don't you think they  _ could _ , if they wanted to?”

 

“Muscle Man has a point,” says Taako, and Magnus good-naturedly rolls his eyes. 

 

“Maybe it’s their way of communicating with us,” muses Barry, and Merle shrugs. 

 

“I don’t know what they’re doin’,” he says, “but it didn’t feel friendly.”

 

That night, Taako dreams of Trees. They’re saying his name, over and over, some kind of chant. Taako can’t make out any other words or identify where the wound is coming from, but he can feel them call him in his chest, vibrating up his vertebrae to the base of his skull. The very way his body shakes says:  _ Taako. Taako. Taako.  _

 

_ Yeah,  _ thinks Taako.  _ That’s me. What’s it to you?  _

 

But the Trees don’t respond. He walks down a path they’ve revealed to him. He doesn’t want to walk down the path, but he has to. He’s not in control of this dream. 

 

_ Wake up,  _ thinks part of him, stirring.  _ Wake up, you have to wake up.  _

 

He walks onward. He walks until he forgets walking. He walks until his limbs feel tired and strange, like running your tongue over a word too many times. The path becomes twisted and dangerous. Taako walks on. 

 

_ Wake up,  _ he thinks again.  _ Wake up.  _

 

He keeps walking.

 

At the end of the Trees’ path, there’s a clearing, and a faint black dot in the distance. Taako starts running, because he knows the black dot is what he’s supposed to see, and because he knows, distantly, that once he sees the black dot, he can wake up. So he keeps running and running, faster than he’s ever run in his life. The dot doesn’t grow bigger. Taako thinks he’s gaining ground, but he can’t be sure. 

 

Slowly, imperceptibly at first, the dot starts to take shape. It grows, becoming oblong, then humanoid. It’s a person, Taako realizes, or maybe it hadn’t been a person, and now it is. Taako picks up his pace. He should be tired by now, and he is, but he isn’t out of breath. He feels like he knows the person, but he can’t place their face. He can feel them, though. They’re trying to talk to him, too, but the vibrations aren’t making words yet. 

 

Taako keeps running as the person becomes larger and larger, but their face still is hard to make out. 

 

_ Come on,  _ thinks Taako to the Trees.  _ Come on. Who is it. Come on.  _

 

The Trees hear him, maybe, or perhaps he’s just run far enough down the path. The person becomes clear -- or, the person has always been clear, and now Taako can make out the details of their body. 

 

It’s Lup. 

 

Sort of. 

 

She’s sickly green and haunted, and the root she’d fallen on is sticking out of her body, oozing thick black blood. But there are other roots, too, ones she hadn’t been impaled by, all criss-crossing up her body, wrapping themselves around her neck, pulsing out through her eyes, her mouth, her ears. They start to split apart her skin, but there’s no black blood pouring anymore -- she just breaks apart cleanly, roots spilling out of her. 

 

Taako doesn’t try to fight. He couldn’t, anyway. He can’t move. The roots coming out of Lup’s eyes wrap themselves around Taako’s neck, squeezing. He can’t breathe, but he isn’t losing consciousness yet when another root pierces his torso, right where it had pierced Lup. 

 

_ Why,  _ thinks Taako, to Lup or himself or the Trees. Lup answers.

 

_ Come and find me,  _ she says.  _ Taako. You have to come find me. Come find me, Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako. Taako.  _

 

Lup reaches one of her roots out and it slithers down Taako’s throat, and his vision starts to go black as he chokes on the earthy taste. 

 

_ Taako,  _ says Lup, once more, and then he wakes up. 

 

He’s sweating profusely when he finally wakes, thrashing about under his covers in panic. He touches his side where there’s a phantom pain, as if he really had been pierced by a Tree root, and he can hear Lup’s voice in his head, as plainly as if she’d said the words to him just now.  _ Come and find me, Taako. You have to come find me.  _

 

Taako throws up, and then he wanders into the kitchen to make burgers.

 

He’s halfway through forming the patties with his hands when he hears a rap on the doorframe. This time he knows it’s Magnus. He doesn’t turn around. 

 

“You’re early,” he says. “Haven’t even started cooking, yet.”

 

Magnus laughs a little. Taako watches him out of the corner of his eye, slapping the beef between his hands, forming it into a perfect circle just for the hell of it. Magnus is only wearing the IPRE pajama pants again, the logo at his hip, just below a particularly gnarly scar that reaches down from his ribcage. 

 

“How’d you get that one?” asks Taako, nodding to it, and Magnus looks surprised. He glances down, thumbing the soft skin like he didn’t remember it was there. 

 

“Tried to train a wolf to be my friend,” he says, and Taako laughs before he realizes Magnus is serious. 

 

“Oh, my God,” he says, and Magnus shrugs. 

 

“It almost worked,” he says. “Right up until he did this.” 

 

Taako starts slicing the cheese and buns before Magnus catches his arm gently. “Let me,” he says, and Taako rolls his eyes. 

 

“As if you’re going to -- ” he starts, but Magnus is already prying the knife away from him. 

 

“I can slice things up,” says Magnus indignantly. “Just - let me help.”

 

Taako sighs, but relinquishes the knife, propping himself back up on the counter. Magnus, once again, is infuriatingly slow in his work, but at least he’s cutting things evenly. Taako reaches for the olive oil and sprinkles a little in the hot pan on the stove next to him, snapping flame into existence beneath it. 

 

“It’s so unfair,” says Magnus, and Taako looks at him. 

 

“What is?”

 

_ “Magic.” _ He snaps his fingers in imitation of Taako. “What I wouldn’t give.”

 

“Nah,” says Taako lightly. “Every team’s gotta have the muscle.” He pastes on a grin, waggling his eyebrows. “And the eye candy.”

 

Magnus turns to look at him, eyes wide, a kind of surprised delight on his face. He turns back to the onion he’s slicing, smiling privately to himself. “Thought that was you.” 

 

Something thrills in the pit of Taako’s stomach; he laughs, his pulse racing. “Eye  _ candy?  _ Please. I’m the eye  _ feast,  _ bubeleh.” 

 

Magnus grins, still judiciously cutting the onion. “Yeah,” he agrees casually. “That’s true.” He sets the knife down, gesturing to the cutting board.  “All done. Yours for the taking.”

 

Taako hops off the counter, nudging Magnus with his hip, a light gesture that would do nothing to actually move Magnus out of the way if Magnus didn’t let it. Magnus turns, leaning against the counter, supporting himself on his palms, watching Taako work. 

 

“Seriously,” he says as Taako watches the patties carefully, “what'd you do? Strike a deal with the devil for immortal beauty?” 

 

Taako's usually good at brushing off compliments but he fucking  _ blushes  _ at Magnus's casual praise, turning his head so he doesn't see. 

 

“This? Nah. Au naturale, my dude.” 

 

Magnus chuckles. “Right.”

 

The burgers cook quickly. Taako plates them elegantly, skewering the top with a pickle garnish. 

 

“Grab napkins,” he instructs Magnus, who happily complies. 

 

Magnus is halfway through his burger when Taako offers, casually, “I had one of those Tree dreams tonight. That's why I was awake.”

 

Magnus puts the burger down, licking his thick fingers inelegantly. “So what do you think? Are they trying to communicate with us?”

 

Taako thinks about the roots slithering out of Lup’s eyes and feels a fresh wave of nausea hits him. He puts the burger down and pushes his plate away. 

 

_ Come and find me,  _ Lup had said. 

 

“Maybe,” he says. “Lup was there. She was horrible. She was dead. And she had Trees coming out of her. She said I should come and find her.”

 

Magnus frowns. “But you know where she is,” he says, thinking.  “Kind of hard for her to move, being dead.”

 

Taako glares at him. “I know.” 

 

“I just mean,” says Magnus quickly, “that I wonder if the Trees meant something else. Or if they were just using Lup to communicate that something else.”

 

Taako thinks about it again, about the way she'd reached for him. 

 

“Maybe,” he says evasively. 

 

Magnus looks at him. “Taako, I -- “

 

Taako stands abruptly, seizing both their plates. He stands at the sink for a long moment, the plates in his hands rattling. He tries to recall Lup’s voice as it had been in life, but finds he can only hear how she had sounded in his dream, haunting and anxious.

 

He drops the plates. They shatter, the sound echoing loudly. Magnus jumps up and is there in an instant, seizing his hands, looking them over for cuts.

 

“ _ Fuck,  _ Taako -- are you hurt? Did you cut yourself?”

 

Taako looks up at him, so close, his brown, broad chest a horizon in front of him. Without thinking, he puts his hands on Magnus's chest, and Magnus flinches ever-so-slightly at the contact. But he doesn't move away. 

 

“Taako,” he says, softly, and puts a hand over one of Taako's, dwarfing it. 

 

_ This is easy,  _ thinks Taako. Magnus’s face is unbearably kind.  _ This is so, so easy.  _

 

Taako shifts his hips, then, nestling his knee between Magnus's thighs. Magnus hisses slightly, a sharp intake of breath, and Taako grins, moving his hips up against Magnus, the language of his body all too easy to remember. 

 

“Whaddaya say,” he drawls, tilting his head. “Come on, big guy. Wanna have some dirty fun?”

 

Magnus swallows thickly. Taako watches his Adam's apple bob, his eyes dart back and forth doing the arithmetic of desire. 

 

And then he steps back, squeezing Taako's hand gently before releasing it.

 

“I'm not gonna do that,” he says, softly, and Taako gapes at him, at a loss for words, feeling suddenly stupid. 

 

“Don't act like you don't want to,” he snaps, shame rising in his chest. 

 

Magnus smiles sadly. “I'm not,” he says. “But I'm not gonna be a part of your self destruction, Taako. I'm not going to be your coping mechanism.”

 

Taako stares at him. “That's - completely beside - absolutely stupid - ”

 

Magnus bends over then, leaning like a giant oak tree bowing in the wind. Carefully, he lowers his lips to the top of Taako’s head, kissing it gently. “Get some sleep,” he murmurs, and before Taako can reach out toward him, he's gone. 

 

+++

 

The next night, Taako dreams of Magnus. It’s not a Tree dream. He knows that. It’s nothing as concrete. But it’s haunting anyway, because of the thick, heady desire running through it. It’s flashes of his brown skin against Taako’s, of huge hands on his body, grasping Taako’s cock in his hand, of leaning him over and spreading him open with attentive licks, those thick fingers, leaving him bruised on his thighs, his throat. 

 

Taako wakes in the middle of the night, sweating and uncomfortably aroused, gripping his sheets like a fucking teenager, his heart in his chest.  _ Don’t act like you don’t want to,  _ he’d said, and Magnus had replied, voice tight,  _ I’m not.  _

 

Taako is used to being wanted. Taako knows what it’s like to walk through a room, every eye on him. Taako knows what it feels like to feel a  _ thousand  _ eyes on him at once. What he’s not used to is wanting like this, wanting someone who wants him but won’t act on it. 

 

If Taako was a Deadly Sin, he’d be lust. For everything. Lust and greed are related, he thinks. Because he doesn’t just want to be wanted, he wants to be wanted the most. He wants to be the most wanted of all. And the idea that Magnus wants him, but won’t fucking touch him, is the worst kind of torture of all. 

 

That night, when he gets up and goes to the kitchen, he doesn’t have any intention of cooking at all. He almost doesn’t go. 

 

_ Let him wait for me _ , he thinks.  _ Let him wait.  _

 

But he goes. Taako’s not good at waiting, and he’s not good at making his own excitement. He’s always gone rushing ahead, running towards it at full speed. 

 

Taako’s standing in front of the fridge when Magnus comes in this time, bathed in the artificial light and the cold, which is grounding. Hard to feel unbearably turned on when there’s a direct cold blast right at your junk, he reasons. 

 

When Magnus comes to the kitchen this time, he’s still just wearing his IPRE pajama pants. Taako presses his body closer to the chill of the refrigerator. 

 

“What’s on the menu tonight?” he asks groggily. A patch of his hair is sticking up in the back, and his cheek is red and soft. 

 

Taako looks at him, eyes moving toward the white scars on his dark skin, and closes the refrigerator. 

 

“Nothing, tonight,” he says. “Tonight, we’re drinking.”

 

Magnus frowns. “Taako, it’s two in the morning — ”

 

Taako boosts himself up onto the counter to seize the bottles he knows are hidden behind various cans and jars in the upper cabinets. “Is there a better time to drink,” he asks, shuffling the jars around, “than at two in the morning?”

 

Magnus leans against the door frame, watching him. “Did you have another dream?”

 

Taako turns toward him sharply, seizing a bottle of starwhiskey from the cabinet. He uncorks it, inhaling it lightly. It’s sharp, clears out his nasal passages just from a whiff. He takes a long draw. “No,” he says, shortly. “I didn’t have any kind of dreams at all. Completely peaceful.”

 

Magnus looks at him in disbelief, which is fine with Taako.  _ Fine _ , he thinks.  _ Let him doubt. _ Taako, still standing on the counter, holds the bottle out to Magnus. 

 

“I’m drinking,” he says. “And this is a no-sober zone, pal. So if you wanna stay, you’re drinking too.”

 

Magnus looks at the starwhiskey in Taako’s hand warily. “I don’t know if this is such a good idea — “

 

“I never said it was a good idea,” says Taako. The alcohol is warming his chest, curling in his stomach along with his desire. “But nothing about me is a good idea.”

 

Magnus swallows at that and then, as if every bone in his body is protesting, slowly moves toward the counter that Taako’s still standing on. Taako, standing on the counter, still isn’t that much taller than Magnus, proportionally speaking, which only adds to his desire to climb him like a tree. He looks down at him, at his dark, warm face. 

 

“Drink up, big boy,” he drawls, and hands him the bottle.

 

Magnus uncaps it in the slow, deliberate way he seemingly only adopts around Taako. He takes a long sip from the bottle, and Taako watches with satisfaction as he drains most of what’s remaining in the bottle. After, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. 

 

“Takes a lot for me to get drunk,” he says, almost sheepish. “Figured it wouldn’t be following the rules you set out if I don’t get a little drunk. No-sober zone, and all.”

 

Taako smiles wolfishly, kneeling on the counter, his eyes at the same level of Magnus’s. “Now you’re getting the idea, my guy,” he says, and it would be so, so easy to kiss Magnus right now. He keeps his eyes on Magnus as he reaches into his hand, pulling the bottle out of his hand and drinking steadily. The alcohol turns his head fuzzy almost instantly, dizzy and wonderful. 

 

“Ah,” he says. “That’s the stuff.” He lifts the bottle, surveying what’s left before thrusting it at Magnus. “You finish it up. That should be enough to do the trick.”

 

It’s more than enough to do the trick, and they both know it, but Taako’s thrown a gauntlet tonight, and it’s up to Magnus to decide if he wants to pick it up or not. Magnus watches him steadily before taking the bottle from Taako, downing the rest of it. Taako watches his throat move, his lips wrapped around the bottle top, and his stomach stirs. 

 

When he’s drained the rest of it, Magnus shakes his head like he wants to clear it but is unable to.

 

“Oh, fuck,” he says, a hand on his forehead. “God, that’s - that’s fucking strong.”

 

“Yep,” says Taako happily, lounging backward. “I like things that are strong.”

 

Magnus looks at him and Taako sees the mistrust in his eyes war with the desire and drunkenness there. Taako’s set up a trap poor Magnus just isn’t able to dodge. Magnus might be strong, but Taako’s cunning. 

 

“So what,” says Magnus. “So you thought you’d get me drunk and then seduce me? Yeah? Was that the plan?”

 

Or not. 

 

Taako’s a little annoyed by how nonchalantly Magnus says it, but he just shrugs. “Well,” he says, “is it working?”

 

Magnus looks at him, eyes still hazy. “It’s not  _ not  _ working,” he says, and Taako takes the opportunity to edge closer to him, swinging his legs. “It’s working better than it did last night.”

 

Taako’s cheeks redden at the memory. “That was nothing,” he says dismissively. “That was a shot in the dark.”

 

Magnus’s chest is moving with labor now. “Taako,” he says, quietly. “You don’t have to  _ try  _ to get me to want you.”

 

Electricity zaps up Taako’s spine. “Really,” he says. “Is that  _ so _ .”

 

Magnus swallows. “You  _ know  _ how you affect everyone. How you affect - me.  You  _ know. _ ” 

 

He sounds unhappy, Taako realizes. He sounds almost angry. Well, Taako can be angry, too. “You sound so  _ thrilled  _ about it,” he says. “Sorry that it’s so cliche to find me attractive, but -- ”

 

“Taako,” says Magnus, and he moves away, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not you, it’s not supposed to be like this.”

 

Taako stops swinging his legs, looks at Magnus. “Be like what?”

 

“I want you,” says Magnus plainly, but the revelation doesn’t sound as exciting as Taako though it would. “And I care about you, and I love you, and I’m worried about you. And you’re making it so fucking  _ difficult  _ to be the kind of person I should be for you -- ”

 

“I don’t need you,” says Taako instantly, jumping off the counter. “Jot that down, pal. I don’t need you, or any other of the Misfit Toys on this fuckin’ ship. There’s only one thing I need, and that’s me.”

 

Magnus looks at him with something like pity, or sadness, or desire, or anger, or fondness. “Okay,” he says. “Okay. I’ll - I’m gonna go to bed, then.”

 

He turns to leave. Taako reaches out and grabs his arm, and he has the decency to turn, looking tired. 

 

“What the fuck,” Taako says, heatedly, “what the fuck, you can’t just  _ leave --  _ ”

 

“You got what you wanted,” says Magnus. “I drank with you. You can forget all your problems, and go to sleep, and tomorrow you’ll be a little dehydrated and it will be fine. And I’ll see you here tomorrow night. It’s fine.”

 

Taako feels inexplicably like crying. He blinks rapidly. “Why do you keep showing up?” he asks. “Why are you going to be here tomorrow night?”

 

Magnus looks at him, and the sadness seems to win out on his face. “I told you,” he says. “I love you, Taako. That doesn’t go away easily. It doesn’t go away at all.”

 

“But you want it to.”

 

Magnus sighs. “No. I don’t want to stop loving you, Taako.”

 

Taako can’t stop himself. “But it would be  _ easier  _ if you did. Right? That’s how it works. It would be easier if you stopped loving me, because it’d be safer - ”

 

_ “No,”  _ says Magnus, and the force behind it shuts Taako up, for a second. “I don’t want to be your plaything,” he says, after a long moment. “I don’t want to be your eye candy, or someone you wind up to get your way. I know that’s your thing, Taako, but I thought -- ” He stops, sighing again. “That’s what I meant. Last night. I’m not going to be a part of this game you want to play.”

 

_ It’s not a game _ , thinks Taako frantically. It’s not a game, it’s dead fucking serious, and he’s losing. He can see Magnus slipping away with every second. 

 

“I  _ want,”  _ he says, finally. His voice cracks a little on the end. “I want everything all the time. And I want to be wanted the most. I’m like this fucking - want vacuum. Sucking everything up. I’m a black hole of desire, and everything I touch gets killed. And I want you to want me best. I want you to love me best. I don’t know if I could ever love you like that, but I want you to love me best, anyway.”

 

“It’s not a competition,” says Magnus, and Taako shakes his head. 

 

“It is,” he insists. “Everything’s a competition.”

 

“What are you afraid of?” asks Magnus. “What are you really, really afraid of, Taako?”

Taako looks at him, trying to comprehend the stupidity of his question. “What am I – death, Magnus. Death and dying alone, and not saving the people closest to me. What is everyone afraid of?”

Magnus closes his eyes, sighing again.

“Look,” Taako continues, just to keep Magnus’s attention, his presence, “when I just care about Lup, it’s easier to protect the people I care about. Basic statistics.”

Magnus looks at him, hedging something behind his eyes. “But you didn’t,” he says, gently. “You couldn’t protect her. She died anyway. And she’ll die again.”

Taako recoils from him. Roots and dirt and filth, coming up through Lup’s face. Magnus, gripping his legs. Both of them, intertwined, looking at him. Come and find me. Taako can feel the nausea rising in his throat.

He turns and gets sick into the sink.

Magnus is beside him in an instant, holding his long hair back. “Oh, shit, Taako – “

Taako leans under the faucet, swishing the water around his mouth, wiping it with a paper towel. “That’s – that wasn’t the alcohol,” he says, but he’s not sure if that makes it better or worse. Magnus, anyway, doesn’t care.

“Are you alright?” he asks, and Taako nods weakly.

“Never better,” he says, forcing a smile onto his face. His mouth feels rank. He wants to get out. He rinses the sink. “We’re gonna have to clean that,” he says, and Magnus makes a sound of disapproval in the back of his throat.

“Don’t – don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it – ”

“That’s gross, Magnus, you don’t – ”

Magnus makes a sound of frustration, groaning. And then, in one fluid movement, he lifts Taako off the ground and into his arms, carrying him marriage-style.

“What the hell,” says Taako, his heart hammering. “What are you – “

“You are impossible,” says Magnus. “You are absolutely impossible. Shut up. ”

Taako gapes at him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m forcing you to do something healthy for once in your life,” says Magnus. He carries him into the hallway, and Taako twists his neck, watching his room disappear from view.

“That’s was my – “

“I know,” says Magnus. Taako can feel his arms tightening beneath him, can feel the warmth radiating from his chest.

Taako’s been in Magnus’s ship quarters before; of course he has, they’ve been doing this for years and years and years. But he’s never been carried over to Magnus’s bed before.

“I thought – ” says Taako, looking at him weakly. Magnus keeps ignoring him, instead laying him gently down onto his bed, so much larger than Taako’s by necessity. He props two pillows up under Taako’s head, pulls the blanket over him.

_ He’s tucking me in,  _ Taako realizes dumbly. He’s not trying to come onto him, he’s tucking him into his bed.

“You have to sleep,” says Magnus, and it’s firm but kind. “You have to get some sleep.” He pulls the trash can from the corner of the room over to his bed, setting it next to Taako. “Just in case,” he says.

Taako looks at him. “If you think I’m gonna let you in my room when I’m not there, you’re dumber than you look.”

Magnus looks at him with something like beleaguered fondness. “I’m not going to sleep in your room, Taako.” He pulls a pillow off the end of his bed -- Magnus uses so many goddamn pillows -- grabbing another blanket out of a drawer, laying it gently on the floor.

“Magnus – ”

“Go to sleep,” says Magnus, firmly. “I’m fine.”

“Magnus, I – ”

“ _ Taako _ .”

Taako sighs impatiently. “ _ Magnus _ , someone’s going to have to clean up my puke from the fucking kitchen sink.”

In the dark, Taako sees Magnus smile to himself, toothy and white. “I will, once you’re asleep. So go to sleep.”

Taako watches the slow, gentle movement of Magnus’s chest in the dark. The pillowcase smells like him, warm and sweet. “I still don’t love you,” says Taako, but Magnus takes it in stride.

“I know.”

Taako rolls over, curling into the fetal position, his fist clutching the soft of Magnus’s blankets. “Goodnight, Magnus.”

“Goodnight, Taako.”

+++

That night, Taako dreams he’s running through the Trees again. There’s panic. It doesn’t feel like the Trees are talking to him, this time, but there’s urgency there, anyway. He’s running, because he remembers the way to go, but there’s no voice in the background this time. No one's’ talking to him. It almost worries him more.

_ What have you done with her?  _ thinks Taako, but no one replies. He’s running until he gets to the clearing, just like the other night, and there’s the dot that he knows will eventually turn into Lup, grotesque and horrible, that will eventually choke him. He hears Lup’s voice before he gets to the black dot, this time. 

 

_ Taako? Taako? Are you there? Taako?  _

 

Anxiety clutches in Taako’s chest. Part of him thinks he shouldn’t engage, but that part is wiped out by his love for Lup. Everything is wiped out by his love for Lup. 

 

_ I’m here, I’m here,  _ he says.  _ Lup? It’s me. I’m here.  _

 

The black dot is growing infinitesimally.

 

_ Taako, you have to come find me,  _ says Lup. But her voice is changing. Is it Lup? It sounds like more, somehow. More people? More voices?

 

_ Taako, we need you. Come and find me. Come and find us come and find me us come and find us come and find me. _

 

Taako starts to run towards it again, faster than ever before. But then, suddenly, there’s a clear and blinding light, warm and pleasant. He can feel it surround him, and it blocks out the black dot.

And then Taako stops dreaming altogether.

When he wakes up, he can feel the warmth still as he slowly emerges from sleep. It’s comforting and soft. He feels nearly rested. Not completely, but nearly.

Taako blinks his eyes open and sees only reddish darkness. He thrashes, and then realizes where he is – Magnus’s bed, still. It’s just Magnus’s bed. And the warmth, and the reddish darkness, had been Taako’s face pressed into Magnus’s chest, Magnus’s arms wrapped around him, a large hand on the small of his back.

Taako blinks.

Slowly, Magnus stirs next to him, rumbling gently like an engine starting. “Hey,” he says.

Taako wants to laugh, but he doesn’t. “Hey.”

“When I came back in last night, you were wriggling around, and I think you were saying something, but you sounded – you sounded awful. So I woke you a little and asked what was wrong and you said you couldn’t find her, but you wanted me there. So I – got in. I hope that’s – I hope that’s okay.”

There’s something suspicious stuck in Taako’s throat. “Yeah no – that’s – that’s fine. I slept better after you got in, I think.”

Pink creeps up Magnus’s neck. “Any Tree dreams? Any – any Lup?”

Taako shakes his head. He’s still in Magnus’s arms.

“That’s good,” says Magnus kindly.

Taako buries his face back in Magnus’s chest. “I’m sorry,” he says, muffled. He can’t bear to say it to Magnus’s face. “I’m sorry for being weird and difficult last night, and also for making you clean up my vomit because I got sick. I still don’t think it was the starwhiskey, just so you know. I can hold my liquor, that wasn’t the issue. I just want to be clear about that.”

He hears Magnus laugh, a short and gentle huff. “We’re clear. I know you can hold your liquor. But thanks. I appreciate that, Taako.”

“I miss her,” says Taako. He’s trying to think of his words deliberately. He’s already made a fool of himself. His face is pressed into Magnus’s torso. “I know that’s stupid. I know she’s coming back.”

 

Magnus is silent a moment. One of his large hands, the one between Taako’s shoulders, comes to the base of his head, stroking the hair there, gently. 

 

_ Hands off the goods,  _ Taako wants to say, but he doesn’t, because it feels nice, and because what’s the difference, when he’s lying in Magnus’s arms?

 

“I don’t think that’s stupid,” says Magnus. “I don’t think that’s stupid at all.”

 

“And also,” says Taako, while he’s busy being brave, “I - I don’t think you’re my  _ plaything.  _ It’s just if you - if I’m holding all the cards, I can decide how the game goes.”

 

“What about when you can’t, though?” asks Magnus. “What happens then?”

 

Taako swallows. “Well, I guess that’s how we end up here, huh?”

 

Magnus chuckles. Taako un-buries his face from Magnus’s chest, moving away slightly, testing the limits of this. Magnus’s arms loosen slightly, giving him room. He’d let him break away, if he wanted, or he’d let him come closer, if he wanted. Taako feels dizzy. 

 

He looks up into Magnus’s broad, simple face. “Why’d you come, that first night? Why’d you keep coming?” 

 

Magnus blushes, shrugs. “I knew you’d have trouble sleeping,” he says, like it’s easy. “I knew you weren’t going to deal with Lup well, and I know you cook when you can’t sleep.”

 

Taako’s stomach drops, like he’s fallen from a height. He wants to say,  _ I would’ve coped fine.  _ In other words, he wants to lie. But he can’t bring himself to do so, not when he’s faced with Magnus’s kind eyes. 

 

Instead, Taako blurts out,  _ “Why?”  _

 

Magnus laughs gently, moving both his hands to the sides of Taako’s face. “I’ve been telling you,” he says, slowly, earnestly. “I  _ love _ you.”

 

Taako does the obvious thing. He leans in and kisses him.

 

Magnus freezes for a second, and Taako can feel the surprise in his muscles. But then he relaxes, leaning into it, humming happily. It buzzes down to Taako’s toes. He kisses gently at first, then deeper, his mouth lazy but insistent. He’s surprisingly deft at it, his tongue pressing softly into Taako’s mouth in a way that doesn’t feel forced or awkward. Taako moves to clutch his shirt only to remember he’s not  _ wearing one,  _ and so instead he just gently rakes his fingers down Magnus’s chest. Magnus shivers. 

 

“Fuck, Taako,” he says. “That’s a lot.”

 

Taako stops, laying his palms flat. “A lot - in a bad way?”

 

Magnus shakes his head vigorously, leaning in to kiss him again, and again, and again. “Very much not in a bad way.”

 

As they kiss, Magnus tightens his grip around Taako’s body, his huge hand wrapped around Taako’s hip. It’s not that it isn’t sexy -- it is -- but Taako’s hyperaware of how  _ Magnus  _ is hyperaware of his hand placement. Taako crushes himself harder against Magnus, pressing his hips against his. Magnus makes a muted sound into his mouth but doesn’t change what he’s doing - keeps a hand on his hip, a hand in his hair, his mouth on Taako’s. Taako doesn’t remember the last time he’s spent this much time just kissing. He’d forgotten how fun it is, how it feels to lose yourself in it. He feels drunk with it. 

 

After a long while, they stop to breathe. Magnus rests his forehead against Taako’s, breathing heavily. 

 

“Okay,” he says, which Taako laughs at reflexively. 

 

“We’re not going to talk about ‘what this means’ or whatever,” says the part of Taako’s brain that still works, and Magnus laughs.

 

“No,” he agrees. “I didn’t think so.”

 

“You  _ love  _ me,” says Taako, and Magnus laughs again, kissing him briefly. 

 

“I thought that maybe, after the fifth or sixth time, you’d absorb it.”

 

“Yeah, but you  _ love  _ me, love me.”

 

Magnus snorts. “ _ Yeah _ .”

 

“You wanna have my elven babies,” says Taako. “You wanna wife me up. You’re gonna come home every day and I’m gonna be wearing leopard print with curlers in my hair. ‘I slave away at the stove all day and you don’t even care,’ I’m gonna say. We’ll grow to resent each other. We’ll stay together for the kids. I’m thinking a summer wedding.”

 

Magnus grins. “Taako,” he says, seriously, holding Taako’s face in his hands, “shut up.”

“‘I love everyone on this crew,’” says Taako, mimicking Magnus. “What was I supposed to think about  _ that,  _ huh? You and Barry getting frisky every night? You and Lucretia dry-humping like teenagers? Do I need to worry about how you look at Merle, Magnus, because I swear to God -- ”

 

“Shut up,” says Magnus again, smiling harder. He kisses him. “No, of course not. Of course you’re the only one. Of course, of course.”

 

Taako smiles. He kisses Magnus, too. 

 

This time, Taako moves his mouth to Magnus’s jaw, his neck, his earlobe. Magnus groans gently beneath him, his toes curling. 

 

“Interesting,” murmurs Taako, like he’s studying something. “Interesting.” He kisses again and again and again, his tongue running up the thick muscles in Magnus’s neck. 

 

“Fuck,” says Magnus. “Taako, please -- ”

 

Taako pulls away and looks Magnus dead in the eyes, which are clouded with lust and love, apparently, and pleasure. “I don’t think you’re my plaything,” he says again, “and I’m not manipulating you. But I swear to God, Magnus, if you don’t fucking throw me down and fuck me, I’m going to lose my mi--”

 

Magnus  _ growls  _ then, seizing Taako in his arms and flipping him beneath him, propped up on his forearms to be sure not to crush him. Not that Taako would mind. 

 

“You’ve -- been -- driving -- me -- crazy -- for --  _ days,”  _ says Magnus between kisses, moving down Taako’s neck to his chest. He amends this with a gentle bite at one of Taako’s nipples through the fabric of Taako’s nightshirt. “ _ Decades.”  _

 

The idea that Magnus has been like this, wanting him  _ this much  _ for years, jerks Taako’s hips upright, pressed against Magnus’s body. 

 

“Worth it,” he demurs, like he’s got any semblance of control here, like he isn’t going to go crazy if Magnus isn’t inside him like,  _ yesterday.  _

 

Magnus runs his hands up under Taako’s shirt and he shivers at the feeling of his callused hands on the smooth skin of his torso. 

 

“You’re so  _ soft,”  _ says Magnus, and Taako makes an impatient sound, sitting up partway to take his shirt off, with Magnus’s help. He wraps his legs around Magnus’s waist, thrusting upward, and is pleased to find Magnus hard, the silky material of his pajama pants tenting. Taako licks his lips. 

 

“Let me blow you,” he says, without ceremony, and Magnus stares at him, eyes blown wide with desire. 

 

“Holy shit,” he says. He rolls over onto his back, allowing Taako to climb atop his legs, shimmying downward. “Holy shit. Holy  _ shit.”  _

 

“Wait till I actually get my mouth on you,” says Taako, grinning, and slides down Magnus’s pajama pants only to discover he’s not wearing any underwear. “Oh, my God,” he says. “Of  _ course  _ you go commando.”

 

“It’s  _ comfortable,”  _ insists Magnus, but his protests die in his mouth as Taako takes his cock in one hand, licking a long stripe up it. “ _ Fuck.”  _

 

Magnus’s dick is heavy and thick in Taako’s hand, curved slightly, beautiful and red. Taako wraps his mouth around the head, sucking gently. Magnus grits his teeth. Taako always knew Magnus would be vocal during sex, and he’s thrilled to discover his suppositions had been correct, as usual. 

 

Everyone thinks they’re good at sucking dick, Taako knows, but he’s really good at sucking dick. He hollows his cheeks every time he pulls his head upward, flattens his tongue on his way down, two hands working the shaft. He can feel Magnus’s muscles tightening beneath him, his toes curling, his hands gripping sheets. 

 

“Fucking hell, Taako,” he moans as Taako pulls his mouth off his dick with a pleasant  _ pop.  _ “You’re gonna -- you’re gonna need to stop if you want me to last long enough to fuck you.”

 

Taako weighs his odds. He really likes sucking dick, but he likes getting fucked more. He puts his mouth around the head of Magnus's dick gently, tonguing the top, before leaning back, arms stretched above his head. 

 

“Okay,” he say, grinning. “Let me see what you can do with that. I've got high standards, you know.”

 

“ _ Taako _ ,” says Magnus, lightly smiling, and dammit if Taako’s stomach doesn't flip once, twice. 

 

Magnus reaches next to Taako to open the drawer to his bedside table. He pulls out a small bottle of lube and Taako laughs reflexively. 

 

“You keep lube in your bedside table -  _ oh.”  _

 

Taako envisions Magnus opening himself up, the very same lube spread over his fingers, keening, maybe thinking of  _ him  _ \-- 

 

“Yeah,” says Magnus wolfishly, slicking up his fingers, and Taako's hips sputter with anticipation. 

 

Magnus's finger is cool when it touches Taako's skin, but not unpleasantly so, and he doesn't push it in right away, just rubs lightly over Taako's hole until he’s whimpering. 

 

“Magnus,” says Taako, desperately, and Magnus is good enough that he doesn't make him beg. 

 

The first finger doesn't hurt despite its size, just pleasantry stretches him. Magnus moves it agonizingly slowly. 

 

“Is this good?” he asks, and there's a wrinkle of concern on his brow that Taako madly wants to kiss away. 

 

“Mm,” he says, as Magnus keeps up his frustratingly slow pace. “Gimme more. Come on, babe. Wanna feel it.”

 

Magnus groans but adds more lube and complies.  _ That  _ feels uncomfortable for a second, but Magnus, ever the gentleman, pauses to let him adjust. Magnus’s fingers are -- they’re something else. 

 

“If you fuck me this slowly I'm going to die before anyone cums,” says Taako snappishly, and Magnus looks like he wants to roll his eyes. 

 

“You want more?” he asks, and starts stretching his fingers apart, crooking them so they hit  _ just right.  _ Taako gives out a cry, clutching the sheets of Magnus's bed. 

 

“Yes,” he says, “yes, yes, I do.”

 

Magnus could've asked him anything just then, with his fingers so deep, and Taako would've agreed. Anything, just so this never stops. 

 

Magnus is neglecting his own cock completely, but Taako can feel it brush his hip with every thrust of Magnus's finger. 

 

“You know,” he pants, “if you, maybe, you know, needed to use your dick now, that’d be fine.”

 

Magnus meets his eyes, grinning with surprise. “So  _ coy _ ,” he says. “I wouldn't have guessed. Maybe I should make you ask properly.”

 

The sound that scrapes out of Taako's throat is high and needy. “Please,” he whines. “Magnus, I'll say whatever you want, just don't - don't make me - “

 

Magnus pretends to think about it, wiggling his fingers deliciously. Taako gasps. 

 

“I'm sparing you,” he says, sliding his fingers out.  Taako keens from the loss. “But next time…”

 

_ Next time, next time, next time,  _ thinks Taako, his whole body warm. 

 

Magnus grabs the lube again and lathers it generously on himself, the sound appealing and filthy. He leans over Taako's torso, and Taako can feel Magnus nudging at his entrance gently. He must look tense with preparation, because Magnus kisses him slowly, gently. Romantically, even. 

 

“‘M’right here,” he murmurs. “I'll go slow.”

 

Taako nods, his hips jutting upward. When Magnus pushes into him, he gasps into the corner of Magnus’s neck. 

 

“Oh,  _ fuck,”  _ he says, or that’s what he means to say. He’s not sure what he gets out are words, per se. 

 

“You good?” Magnus whispers to him, and Taako’s torn between wanting to tell Magnus to shut up and fuck him and living in the gentle embrace of Magnus’s attention. 

 

Taako nods. “Mmhmm. You can - you can do a little more.”

 

Magnus moves his hips fractionally, a millimeter at a time, so patient. He’s whispering into Taako’s temple the sweetest, hottest things. 

 

“You feel so good,” he says, lips brushing Taako’s skin.  _  “You’re  _ so good.”

 

By the time Magnus is fully seated inside him, Taako’s already a dithering mess, arms wrapped around Magnus’s powerful neck. 

 

“I’m going to move,” says Magnus, and Taako nods helplessly. 

 

And oh.  _ Fuck.  _

 

Everywhere’s Magnus, all at once. Every part of his senses. Magnus is trying to be good, rolling his hips just slightly, sweat on his brow. The part of Taako’s brain that’s still thinking is gratified to hear the strain in his voice as he keeps praising him, an undercurrent of adulation. 

 

_ You’re so - you feel so - God, Taako. You’re incredible.  _

 

Eventually Magnus finds his rhythm, deep but not punishing, arms wrapped all the way around Taako’s torso. Taako’s been fucked before - plenty of times, thank you very much - but not like this. Not like he’s something precious. 

 

_ Not with love,  _ says something in the back of his mind, and he almost wants to gag at the sentimentality.

 

But. Yeah. 

 

Not with love. 

 

Magnus feels so unbelievably incredibly good, but more importantly, he’s treating  _ Taako _ like he’s unbelievably, incredibly good, and that’s - sweet. And hot, if Taako’s being honest. He leans in and kisses Magnus, and Magnus makes a sound into his mouth, surprised and happy. His hips stutter. Taako nods happily, smiling into the kiss. 

 

Magnus is losing his rhythm a little, and Taako knows he’s close to coming. When Magnus reaches down and wraps a big hand around Taako’s dick, stroking him in time with his thrusts as best he can -- Taako stops having thoughts, then. 

 

“God,” says Magnus, as he picks up his pace. “Taako, holy shit. Holy shit, I fucking love you.” 

 

And then, because Taako’s life is a fucking joke, he cums into Magnus’s hand, overstimulated and needy. Magnus isn’t far behind, burying his face into Taako’s neck with a cry. 

 

They lie there for a long moment after, covered in a sheen of sweat, loose-limbed. 

 

“Taako,” says Magnus quietly. Taako turns to look at him, eyes focusing and unfocusing. 

 

“Mm?”

 

“Did you - did you cum when I said ‘I love you?’”

 

Taako turns to look at Magnus properly. He’s grinning. 

 

“Oh, no,” says Taako, dread dawning on him. He can feel his face turning ten shades of scarlet. “No. Magnus, I swear, this isn’t going to be a thing -- ”

 

Magnus starts laughing, loud and booming. “This is the best day of my life,” he says, thrilled. “Oh, my God. I’m never, ever going to let you live this down.”

 

“I’m going to kill you,” says Taako without heat. He can’t muster the energy. “It had nothing to do with it - you were jerking me off and fucking me in the ass, you moron -- ”

 

“‘I’m Taako’,” says Magnus, putting on a high voice. “‘I don’t know what love is, I’m definitely not in love with you, Magnus, I’m just gonna try to seduce you, like, five times and then cum when you tell me you love me during sex.’ That’s you. That’s what you sound like right now.”

 

“I don’t sound like that,” says Taako hotly, but Magnus just laughs, and laughs, and laughs. 

 

It’s a good sound, maybe. 

 

(It’s a very good sound.)

 

“I hate you so much,” says Taako, and Magnus shakes his head. 

 

“You wish you hated me,” he says, and kisses Taako again. “You  _ love  _ me.”

 

Taako closes his eyes. “Ugh,” he says, wrenching the words out, “I take this all back. I’m leaving. You’re the worst.”

 

He’s smiling, somehow. His face hurts from it. 

 

“Do you think we could keep this between us?” he asks, a hand on Magnus’s chest, and Magnus shakes his head, still beaming.

 

“No way, buddy. We’re in love now. I’m shouting it from the rooftops. You  _ love  _ me. Wait till I tell Lucretia. She’s gonna get a stress migraine. I can see it now. Merle’s gonna be psyched. Get ready to explain the finer points of gay sex to him. Or -- ”

 

He stops, suddenly, his face frozen. 

 

“Or Lup,” supplies Taako, and Magnus winces. 

 

“I wasn’t going to say -- ”

 

Taako waves his protestations away. “No, you’re right,” he says, ignoring the chill in his stomach. “Lup’s gonna fuckin’ eviscerate me when she gets back.” 

 

“Can’t even go one year without turning into a big sap,” says Magnus, gently, and Taako rolls his eyes. 

 

“Don’t count on it, big guy,” he says. “Don’t think that now I’m gonna be all - all  _ soft  _ and  _ cute --  _ ”

 

“Mmhm,” says Magnus, grinning with disbelief. “No, of course not.” 

 

Taako puts an arm behind his head, propping it up a little. “I do wish she was here, though,” he says quietly. “Not to kill the mood. But I wish she was alive right now. So I could talk to her about - this. About everything.”

 

Magnus props himself up too, putting an arm around Taako’s shoulders, which he allows. 

 

“She’s proud of you,” he says. “I know that.”

 

Part of Taako wants to say,  _ don’t flatter yourself, compadre,  _ but he doesn’t. It’s a nice thought. And it’s true, he thinks. He hopes. 

 

“‘Come and find us,’” muses Taako. “I had another Tree dream last night. That’s why I was twitching when you got in. But it was different.”

 

Magnus frowns. “Different how?”

 

Taako thinks back to his dream. “She said, ‘come and find us’ this time. Like, there are more of her, wherever she is.” His stomach roils at the thought. “But she’s -- I mean, we burned her -- ”

 

Magnus ponders this. “I mean, what if she’s - what if she’s trapped. In the astral plane.” He sits up suddenly, looking electrified. “Taako, what if - what if the Trees aren’t trees? What if - what if they’re people who can’t get out?” 

 

Taako swallows. “Oh,” he says. “Oh, fuck. That explains the dreams.” He pictures Lup, wandering the astral plane with - how many others? Dozens? Thousands? How old is this planet? 

 

“We’ve gotta tell the others,” he says. 

 

“Yeah,” says Magnus, emphatically. “Yeah.” 

 

They both get up, quickly dressing. Taako brushes his teeth twice, back to back, and watches Magnus dress out of the corner of his eye. Something safe and feral rumbles in his chest:  _ that's mine. He's mine.  _

 

+++ 

 

Taako's ready to jump headfirst into the astral plane, but the others aren’t, not right away. 

 

“Taako, this is - it's a hunch,” says Lucretia. “It's a good one, but it's a hunch. And we can't just abandon the planet to go flying into the astral plane - “

 

_ Why not,  _ thinks Taako, anger rising in his chest.  _ Why fucking not.  _ He grinds his teeth. 

 

“I mean,” says Magnus, “yes, it's a hunch. But don't you think that Taako and Lup have some kind of bond - like, hypothetically, isn't it possible that she's sending these dreams?”

 

Davenport looks at Merle. “It would help if we knew what Merle's dream was like.” 

 

Merle grimaces, remembering. “I was running. Which - I mean, y'all know me. I'm not gonna go running if I don't have to. But I felt like something was calling me? I heard my name. And then there was this smudge on the horizon, and it slowly turned into a person. I don't know who it was. Or who it used to be. It wasn't a person anymore. They were - mostly Tree. All these branches stickin’ out of ‘em.”

 

He shudders. “Choked me with their branches, and then I woke up.”

 

Taako points emphatically at Merle. “See? See? I had that _ exact  _ dream, but twice. And it was Lup, and she was talking to me.”

 

Lucretia frowns, but Taako can tell she's intrigued. 

 

“Even so,” she says, “our prime directive is to protect the light of creation. We can't just abandon that -- “

 

“We're not abandoning it!” snaps Taako furiously. 

 

Barry glances sidelong at him. “I mean, you guys thought the Trees might be communicating with us. So what if they are? And we can resolve this by talking to them directly, in the astral plane?”

 

Davenport sighs. “I think it would be worth it, but we don't have any way of transporting us to other planes of existence without the Starblaster -”

 

“So I'll go alone,” says Taako. “I've got magic, I can blink in - ”

 

“Absolutely not,” says Lucretia. “What if you're right, and something bad happens? Then we won't know - ”

 

Taako groans in frustration. “So I shouldn't go in case I'm wrong, and I shouldn't go in case I'm right?” 

 

Lucretia bites her lip. “I let her go, Taako,” she says. “Same as you. I said,  _ go ahead, Lup. Go. Jump across that gap we know you can’t make.  _ I’m not going to make the same mistake twice -- ”

 

“I’m Lup’s twin,” says Taako hotly, “in case you forgot. Nothing was going to stop her. Nothing is going to stop me.”

 

They look at each other, silence long between them. 

 

“Be safe,” says Lucretia, and Taako nods. 

 

+++

 

There’s not really a way to gear up to enter the astral plane, but Taako does his best. Davenport and Barry give him some kind of magic gun that Taako doesn’t know the science of. Magnus helps him suit up in armor, strapping it to him tightly. When he’s finished, he stands back, looking at Taako meaningfully. 

 

“I’m glad you’re going, because you want to,” he says. “I’m scared you’re going, though.”

 

Taako shrugs. “I’ll be fine. You know?”

 

Magnus nods and then, like he’s just remembered he can do so, pulls Taako into a kiss, one hand cradling the back of Taako’s head. 

 

Taako hesitates, fingers tracing the collar of Magnus’s shirt. “If I don’t see you for a couple months because some wack-ass Trees choke me to death, ” he says, slowly, “then, you should, uh, probably know that I love you, too.”

 

Magnus beams. Taako smiles self-consciously, ducking out of his embrace. 

 

“Okay,” he says, squaring his shoulders. Magnus hands him the magic gun. “Here goes.”

 

And then, he’s gone. 

 

Well. Not gone. In the astral plane. 

 

The astral plane is dark and glittery, murky and beautiful. At first, Taako thinks he’s alone. At first, he thinks he was wrong. But then he sees it - something thick and murky, black and liquidy. It’s not the Hunger - it’s nothing sharp like that, doesn’t hum like the Hunger does. But it’s not supposed to be here, for sure. 

 

Taako approaches it and realizes, with horror, that he’s surrounded in a pool of the black blood that Lup had been spouting in his dreams. Somehow he’s standing in it. Somehow he’s swimming in it. Somehow, it’s everywhere. Taako can see shapes in it, but nothing his eyes can place. More dots. More infuriating black dots, in even blacker liquid. 

 

But then there’s something catching his eye, silvery and shapeless, like a fuzz caught in his eyelashes. 

 

The fuzz turns into Lup. He somehow knew it would. Lup’s not dead, here. Not a Tree, here. She’s just silvery, but she’s her. 

 

“Taako,” she says, and runs into his arms.

 

She even smells like herself, somehow. Taako buries his face in her hair so she won’t see him cry. 

 

“Lup,” he mumbles. “Lup. Magnus figured it out. He was the one who said you were trapped but how - how do we get you out?” 

 

Lup frowns, pulling back. She puts a hand on his face. “Taako, if you all don’t find the Light first, we’re dead here. For real. We’ll stop existing, too.”

 

Taako stares at her. “Wait - what? You’ll - you’ll come back, though, right?”   
  


Lup shakes her head, looking anxious. “Something’s sick with the planet, Taako. Everyone who dies here gets stuck. Can’t pass on, can’t go back. But I’m not-quite dead, right? Because I keep coming back. So I’m able to move around a little better. But we’re tied to the planet, so if the planet stops existing...” 

 

She draws a slashing movement over her throat with a finger.

 

Taako’s heart is hammering in his chest. “Right. Okay. So we - we get you out of here. All of you.”

 

Lup looks down, at the black liquid pooling around their feet. 

 

“I don’t think that’s possible,” she says. “I don’t think you can. There’s -- there’s a lot of us, Taako. Millions, maybe? I don’t know.”

 

Taako rubs his temples. “Okay. Okay, so -- you’re stuck because something’s still tying you to the planet. So we have to figure out what that is, and destroy it, and also get the Light of Creation. Before the Hunger shows up.”

 

Lup nods. “Yeah. Less than ideal, bro.” 

 

Taako nods. “Okay, but - if you’re tied to the planet are you - are you guys the Trees? Are you moving the Trees?”

 

Lup thinks about this. “Maybe,” she says. “I’m not sure. I don’t think  _ I’m  _ a Tree. But I think some of the older people down here are.”

 

“So you can talk to them,” says Taako, thinking fast. “Can you get them to help us? If we talk, we can - we can coordinate. I’ll be like your Ambassador, or something.”

 

Lup considers it. “I think that’s not the worst idea,” she says. She grins, punching him in the arm. “Look at you. Ambassador Taako. Like you need a bigger head.”

 

Taako grins. He’s missed her so much. He’s missed seeing her. It’s not the same; he knows she’s dead, because they’re standing in a pool of trapped souls in the astral plane but - she’s still her, somehow. 

 

“I should get back,” says Taako, “but, um, you should know -- I kind of. Slept with Magnus. He told me he loves me. I think I love him? No. I do. I definitely do. So. That’s weird.”

 

Lup snorts severely. “Oh, my stars,” she says, deadpan. “Color me surprised. Just shocked, am I. How will I ever recover. How on earth will I ever move on from this just -  _ shocking  _ revelation. How can I ever -- ”

 

“Okay,” says Taako huffily, turning pink. “Okay, your point’s made -- ”

 

“I am positively  _ floored,  _ just completely knocked over -- ”

 

“You’re such an asshole, oh my God.”

 

The two of them grin, looking at one another, looking at their own face reflected back to the other in flesh in silver. 

 

“I’ll talk to you soon,” says Taako. 

 

“Be safe,” says Lup.

 

And then Taako’s gone. 

 

Well. Not gone. Out of the astral plane, on the Starblaster. Back in Magnus’s room. 

 

Magnus is there by his side in an instant, gripping him tightly in a hug. “Oh, good. Okay, you’re fine so -- so what happened?”

 

Taako looks up at him, into his concerned, sweet face.

 

“So here’s the thing,” he says. “I went to the astral plane, saw Lup, and now I’m an Ambassador. You can call me Liaison to the Dead. And we’ve got a lot of shit to do.”

 

Magnus grins at him, and it feels like something dawning in Taako’s chest. “Okay,” he says. “Let’s go.”

 

+++


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Taaco twins love drama, a good hero complex, and each other. Magnus learns muscles don't help in quantum physics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's just - there's so much fake science here, guys. Please. Please just roll with it. I don't know how the astral plane works. Please enjoy the conclusion of this tale, aka "Taako's sad all the time, no one understands science [except maybe - maybe - Lucretia], and soft kinky sex"

“Okay,” says Merle. “So the terrifying Trees aren’t monsters, they’re just the souls of everyone who’s ever died on this planet, trapped in the astral plane and warped by space-time, angry and afraid. Great. I feel a lot better knowing that.”

 

Barry snorts, and then hides it. Taako glares at both of them.

 

“One of those souls is Lup,” he snaps. “And, anyway, she says that she’s not one of the Trees. She thinks only the really, really old souls are the Trees.”

 

Merle throws his hands in the air, a gesture of  _ how on earth does that help.  _ Taako wants to retort, but he’s also not sure how it helps.

 

“And if we don’t find the Light of Creation before the Hunger gets to it, every soul who has ever lived on this planet gets wiped out, including Lup,” says Magnus from behind him. 

 

Taako nods. The back of his neck prickles with gratitude. 

 

“It seems to me we need a two-pronged attack,” says Barry. He’s not snickering anymore; he looks stricken. There’s a grey pallor under his skin that wasn’t there before. Taako feels a little guilty. He’s always doing that -- expressing everything  _ so much  _ that no one else has a chance to. There’s simply no room. “We need to coordinate with the Trees so that we can protect and access the Light. I’m betting the Trees are covering it up, and that’s why we haven’t been able to find it. Considering these are sentient living things, we’ll have to reason with them. But we also need to figure out a way to get the souls out of the astral plane. Is that right?”

 

Taako nods, grateful at least that they’re talking about this. He’d almost expected them -- well, Lucretia, if he’s being honest -- to pull some kind of,  _ but how do we really  _ know,  _ Taako  _ schtick. But they’re not. They’re going to do this. They’re going to save Lup. And everyone else.

 

“So I’m Liasion to the Dead,” says Taako, with as much bravado as he can muster, and Davenport cracks a good-natured smile.

 

“Of course,” he says, in a way that sounds like a joke, but he doesn’t say anything else. 

 

Taako ignores him. “I need people to help me talk to the Trees, figure out what’s going on. And then we need people to research what’s going on with the astral plane, based on what information my team brings back.”

 

“I’ll research,” says Lucretia, almost instantly, which suits Taako just as well. Davenport will, too, he says. 

 

Barry hesitates, thinking. He wants to see Lup, Taako knows, which makes him jealous and anxious all at once. But his anxieties are assuaged some when Barry decides to stay and research, too. Which means Magnus will be coming with him -- Lup’s gonna be fucking  _ impossible  _ about that, but still -- and Merle, by default. 

 

“Fantastic,” Merle says. “Can’t - can’t wait to get down in that. Black blood, you said? Awesome. Really looking forward to it.”

 

Taako wants to snap,  _ My fucking sister’s down there, you prick,  _ but he sees the tentativeness in Merle’s eyes and knows he’s afraid. Call it maturity, that he doesn’t yell at him anyway. They’re all afraid. Even Taako. 

 

Especially Taako. 

 

When they break, Magnus follows Taako back to his room, a kind of puppyish behavior Taako wants to find irritating. 

 

_ I don’t need you,  _ he wants to say, but maybe he does. 

 

Magnus closes the door behind them. “Taako,” he says, gravely, but Taako’s not listening. He flings himself at Magnus, jumping and wrapping his legs around Magnus’s waist. Magnus looks surprised but catches him easily, strong arms encircling him. Taako buries his face in Magnus’s neck. 

 

“Hey,” says Magnus, gently, and Taako doesn’t say anything. He’s afraid he might start crying. The weight of what they have to do - talk to some dead souls who inhabit monster Trees before the most evil force in the universe gets here, or else his sister  _ stops existing  _ \- has hit him all at once. 

 

It’s been bad enough with Lup dead. The idea that she might not exist at all sends panic spiraling into Taako’s throat. 

 

“Hey,” says Magnus again, one hand rubbing Taako’s back soothingly. “Hey. We’re gonna work this out. We’re not going to give up on Lup. We’re going to save her.”

 

“I won’t be whole without her,” mumbles Taako into Magnus’s skin. “If she stops existing. I’ll be half of me, too.”

 

Magnus’s touch stills for just a second, like he’s considering the weight of Taako’s words. “You won’t have to be,” he says, still quiet but firm. “Taako. I promise you. I won’t let that happen.”

 

Taako nods, too tired to argue the alternative. Too tired to think of anything else but Magnus’s arms, and Lup, and Trees. Blinking takes a lot out of him. 

 

“I need to rest, for a second,” says Taako, and Magnus walks him over to his bed, depositing him there, gently. Taako looks up at him, managing a small smile. “You gonna carry me to bed every time?”

 

Magnus grins, leaning to kiss him. “Oh, yeah,” he says. “Absolutely. You don’t get guns this big without engaging in some serious tucking-in.” And then, softer, to the skin below Taako’s ear, “Every time.”

 

Taako shivers. 

 

“Stay with me,” he says, and he wishes he could make it sexy. He wishes he could put a hand on the flat of Magnus’s stomach like he had just a day ago, but he can’t bring it him to do it. He doesn’t feel sexy. With Magnus, Taako’s starting to realize sexiness is something you feel, rather than you are. He’s used to people telling him he’s sexy. He’s not sure he’s felt it until yesterday. He’s not sure he understood what sexiness meant until he’d had it and then lost it. 

 

From his bed, he catches Magnus’s calloused hand in his own, looking up at him. “Please.”

 

Magnus looks caught off-guard by Taako’s earnestness, but he doesn’t hesitate. “Of course, Taako,” he says. “Of course. Always.”

 

_ Always,  _ thinks Taako, the word thrumming in his mind.  _ Always, always.  _

 

Will Magnus want to do this next year, in a different world, in a different plane of existence? Will Magnus want to do this thirty years from now? Will Magnus want to do this when --  _ if  _ \-- they get back? Will Magnus want to do this tomorrow, even? Will Magnus want to do this after Taako snipes at him for the thousandth time? 

 

Magnus gets in the bed next to him, smaller than Magnus’s own. Taako presses his head instantly against Magnus’s chest, listening to his heartbeat drum against his ribs, steady and sure. 

 

“I don’t want to sleep,” says Taako. “I know I have to. I know I  _ need  _ to. But I don’t want to.”

 

There’s nothing Magnus can do about that. Taako can feel him thinking, trying to find a solution for this, too. But Magnus can’t stop Taako from needing sleep. 

 

“I’m here,” he says, finally. “I’m here. I’ll be here the whole night.”

 

Taako closes his eyes, and lets the darkness take him.

 

+++

 

That night, Taako dreams of Lup. She’s not the silvery Lup he’d met in the astral plane, nor the Tree-eaten Lup he’d met before, but some kind of hybrid. She’s still green and sallow, and her body still bears that awful gash of seeping black blood, but her body’s whole, and she’s smiling. 

 

“Hail and well met, Liaison to the Dead,” she says, and she smiles, but Taako doesn’t. Her voice is hers, but it’s also not-hers, it’s also the voice of thousands of other people that Taako doesn’t know. They’re speaking, but the words aren’t in exact unison -- it sounds like Taako’s sitting in the back row of an amphitheatre watching a show with poor actors. 

 

“You’re not Lup,” says Taako, which isn’t the most diplomatic way to start his career as a diplomat. But it’s true. 

 

Not-Lup laughs. It raises the hair on the back of Taako’s neck. 

 

“Yes and no,” she says. “Sometimes and never.”

 

_ Great,  _ thinks Taako.  _ Very helpful.  _

 

“Why am I here?” he asks, because if he’s learned anything, it’s that the Trees are always trying to say something. He just has to figure out what. 

 

Not-Lup cocks her head, squinting her eyes. It’s strange; Taako’s never seen this precise gesture on his sister, even though he’s seen something like it thousands of times. Everything is  _ almost  _ Lup. 

 

Before Not-Lup has a chance to answer, Taako says, “You keep sending my sister.”

 

Not-Lup frowns. “She keeps sending herself,” she says. 

 

The delivery is almost comical; Taako  _ almost  _ laughs. He doesn’t.

 

“Well, thanks for sending her almost whole this time,” he says. “I did what you wanted. I came and found you. I went to the astral plane. I’m going to come back, and I’ll bring others. I know. I’m a genius. So what now?”

 

Not-Lup doesn’t say anything. She frowns again. And then, as if hearing something in the distance, cocks her head. 

 

“What?” she asks, to no one Taako can see, and Taako watches her pupils grow wider and wider, blackening her whole eye. It turns his stomach, but he doesn’t look away. Everything could mean something. Something could mean everything. 

 

“We’re - we’re sick, Taako,” Not-Lup says, but her voice -- the chorus of voices -- is slowing down now, warping into something ominous, something that feels like a roar of water rushing through his head. “We’re sick. Taako.” 

 

“Sick, how?” asks Taako frantically. “Just - tell me how you’re sick and I can try and fix it. I want to heal you -- ”

 

“Sick,” says Not-Lup again, but she’s looking in the distance again, at whomever or whatever had spoken to her before. And then she turns and fixes her gaze solely on Taako, and black blood starts seeping out of her mouth, spilling out of her eyes. 

 

“Sick,  _ how?”  _ asks Taako again, fighting the impulse to flinch away. “Lup -- ”

 

The word slips out before he means it. But Not-Lup freezes, the blood slowing to a dribble. Her face melts into something familiar, safe, something beautiful, even. 

 

“Taako?” she asks, quizzically, in Lup’s voice, and then Taako wakes up. 

 

+++

 

_ Taako,  _ someone’s saying to him, and he thinks at first, with horror, that it’s Not-Lup and all the other Trees, but it doesn’t sound the same. It’s deeper, rougher.

 

It’s Magnus, gently stroking his hair. 

 

“Taako?”

 

Taako opens his eyes to find Magnus leaning over him in bed, searching his face warily. “Did you dream again?”

 

Taako nods, still trying to parse his surroundings. He’s in his room still. Magnus is there. That’s a good enough start. 

 

“It was weird,” he says, finding his voice. It comes out scratchy and rough. “Lup was there, but it wasn’t Lup like I saw her before. It was kind of -- all of them. Or at least some of them. Talking through Lup. And they said they were sick.”

 

Magnus chews the corner of his lip. “Sicker than ‘we’re trapped in the astral plane?’”

 

“I think so,” says Taako. “I think there’s something - there’s something wrong in the astral plane. But how do we fix the astral plane? That’s like - that’s some real shit, you know?”

 

Magnus nods, thinking. “We’re going to figure it out,” he says, a broken refrain. “I don’t know. But we’re going to figure it out.”

 

Taako buries his face in his chest again, shutting his eyes tightly. “Right,” he says, trying to chase the disbelief from his voice. “Right. We’re going to figure it out.”

 

Magnus leans, kissing the top of Taako’s head. “It’s funny,” he says, quietly, and Taako turns his face slightly to look at him. 

 

“What is?”

 

“A couple days ago,” says Magnus, “if you told me that I’d be here, with you right now, holding you...”

 

Taako’s stomach flips. “Yeah,” he says. “I wouldn’t have figured, either.”

 

Magnus hesitates. “Do you - just tell me if you ever don’t want to -- ” He falters. “The thing is, I’ve been in love with you for -- a while. You know. And for me, it’s like, I’m the kind of person who rushes into things, and I know you’re not, so -- ”

 

“I don’t know anything,” says Taako, “since Lup’s death this time. I don’t know anything anymore. I just know that I want you here. And you’re probably - you’re probably the only person I’ve ever cared about like this. So you can rest easy on that one.” 

 

Magnus flushes darker across his dark skin. “Still,” he says. “If you need the out. I understand.”

 

Taako feels the anxiety brewing in his bones. “Okay,” he says, trying to sound neutral. “Noted.”

 

He wishes Magnus hadn’t spoken. That’s exactly what he doesn’t fucking need, an out. That’s the kind of thing Magnus needs, and the kind of thing Magnus gives. Taako just uses, and he takes. 

 

_ Don’t you dare break his fucking heart,  _ he thinks to himself, but that’s easier said than done. Magnus has a large, gentle heart, and Taako is meant for breaking things. 

 

Taako sits up. “We should talk to the others,” he says, and he doesn’t have time to pay attention to the worried look on Magnus’s face. “We’ve got an entire plane of existence to fix.”

 

+++

 

Taako’s already tired of being Liaison to the Dead, and he’s only been it for a day. But he hadn’t considered the toll that recounting these tales would have on him, repeating the stories time and time again, considering every angle, replaying them over in his mind’s eye. Black blood, everywhere. Magnus keeps watching him warily, like Taako’s going to burst at any moment. 

 

“So, do you think it’s something intrinsic with the planet, that’s causing this?” asks Barry thoughtfully. “Or is it an external force of some kind?”

 

“I don’t know,” Taako repeats for the umpteenth time. “I don’t know. But I’m worried that Lup is in danger, she didn’t seem to know what was going on. I have to get to the astral plane again and talk to her.” He squares his shoulders. “I’m going. Whoever wants to can come with me.”

 

“But - we need - we have to  _ research -  _ “ says Lucretia, but she falters, realizing they don’t have another choice, not really. Something bad is happening, and they can’t do a thing about it from out here.

 

“Magnus will carry the Space Gun,” Taako says, and Davenport rolls his eyes. 

 

“I keep  _ telling  _ you, it’s called a Synthetic Planar Modulary -- ”

 

Taako ignores him. “And Merle will do whatever plant juju he thinks is useful. If he’s not too chicken to come.”

 

Merle stamps one small foot. “What else am I gonna do, sit on my hands on the ship? Of course I’m coming.”

 

Taako hides a smile of satisfaction. “So. We’ll suit up and go, then. Space Guns ahoy, and all that.”

 

Lucretia swallows. “Be safe,” she says tightly, and places a hand on his arm. He and Lucretia both aren’t much for physical comfort, and Taako looks at her, somewhat surprised.

 

“We will be,” he says, making a promise he can’t possibly keep. “Don’t worry.”

 

Lucretia nods, looking anxious. “The thing is - in the astral plane, time ceases to exist while you’re there, but all events that transpire within it occur retroactively the moment you return to this plane. So Barry, Davenport, and I will all be sitting ducks if something really bad is happening. If you’re in the middle of something bad and Blink out, it will have already happened by the time you get here.”

 

Taako squints, trying to piece together the logic. He shrugs eventually. “We’re on our own,” he says, like that’s supposed to be different, somehow. “Got it.”

 

He turns to Magnus and Merle. “You two. Meet me in the solarium in twenty. We got Dead to Liaise with.” 

 

Merle salutes, but his hand is shaking. Taako doesn’t realize his are too until he salutes back. 

 

Magnus follows him back to his room again. Irritation prickles on the back of his neck. 

 

_ Ignore it,  _ he thinks fiercely to himself.  _ Don’t be a dick to the people who love you.  Ignore it.  _

 

“You have to get dressed,” he says to Magnus once he’s reached his room. “You need your clothes for that.”

 

Magnus flicks his head like he’s shooing away a fly. “I wanted to see how you are,” he says. “I know you’re scared -- ”

 

“You’ve been with me every second for the past two and a half days,” snaps Taako. “I’m the same as I was twenty minutes ago, but with each passing second, the Hunger gains on us, so I need you to go get dressed for our mission to the astral plane. If you don’t mind.”

 

Taako thinks Magnus is going to flinch, but he only sighs. It’s worse. 

 

“Yeah,” he says, slowly. “Okay.”

 

_ Don’t hurt yourself, big man,  _ Taako wants to say, because he’s angry, and because he’s afraid, and because those two emotions have never seemed any different to him. He’s always angry when he’s afraid. 

 

When he leaves, Taako faces the frightening silence of his room. It’s the first time he’s been alone in this plane since the other night, when Magnus had carried him to his room. Part of him doesn’t want to bring Merle and Magnus to the astral plane. Part of him wants to keep Lup to himself. Part of him always wants to keep Lup to himself. And if he gets stuck there, so what? He’ll exist alongside Lup, until both of them stop existing. That’s how it was always meant to be, anyway. 

 

Taako likes difficult things, until they’re difficult for  _ him.  _ Then he wants to run. 

 

“Get it the fuck together,” he says to his empty room. “Lup needs you.”

 

He might as well sleep in his IPRE jumpsuit at this point. Even in dreams he’s working. 

 

Magnus and Merle are in the solarium by the time Taako gets there, which is annoying, because he wanted to yell at them when they arrived late. 

 

“Great,” he says, thinly. “You’re here.”

 

Magnus is holding the Space Gun, the strap slung across his back, sleeves rolled up on his forearms. He looks unfairly good. Merle looks like Merle. 

 

“So what’s the plan?” asks Merle, tapping his foot. He pulls his white hair back into a thick ponytail that threatens to spill loose at any moment. 

 

“There’s not like, super a  _ plan  _ per se,” says Taako. “We don’t know what’s going on, so we have to figure that out first.”

 

Merle blesses himself and looks skyward.

 

“It’s a recon mission,” says Magnus, and Taako clicks his fingers, pointing at him.

 

“Exactly,” he says, trying to sound confident. “A recon mission.” He swallows. “Just -- stay next to me. And we’ll figure it out from there.”

 

Magnus moves to his side instantly, looping his large arm through his. Merle sighs heavily before doing the same, reaching up to tuck his hand into the crook of Taako’s arm.

 

“Alright, compadres,” says Taako, trying for bravado, “hang on to your butts.”

 

He clutches the two of them tightly, and then Blinks. 

 

The astral plane is much like he remembers it, unfortunately. The inky black blood is everywhere, somehow -- under their feet and around their arms, a thousand black dots clotting together. 

 

“This is -- not ideal,” says Merle.  Taako ignores him. 

 

_ Come on, Lup,  _ he thinks, looking around for her.  _ Lup, where are you --  _

 

There. A silver glimmer in the corner of his eye, like fuzz caught on his eyelashes. He chases it, spinning around and around, until the silver turns into a person. Until it turns into Lup. 

 

She doesn’t look like she should. She looks tired. 

 

“Hey, big bro,” she says, and Taako reaches out for her instinctively. 

 

She ducks away from his touch, wincing. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she says, and she sounds sad. Something awful is nudging at Taako, a general sense of  _ wrongness.  _

 

Taako takes a step toward her. “Lup…” 

 

She takes a step back and looks over his shoulder. Taako turns in the direction of her gaze to see  Magnus and Merle, who are somehow close and far away. They’re standing still, or floating. Or are they moving? Space is different here. Taako hadn’t been aware that he’d traveled from them to begin with. Magnus shouts, “ _ Lup!,”  _ but there’s no sound. Taako can still hear it, but he’s not sure how. It vibrates up his spine like the Tree talk. 

 

“This place is wrong,” says Taako dumbly, and Lup sighs. 

 

“I should have never told you I could help,” she says. “This is my fault.”

 

Panic zaps up Taako’s spine. “What’s your fault, Lup?”

 

“How do you see me, Taako?” she asks. “My appearance, what do I look like to you?”

 

Taako looks back Magnus and Merle, who are swimming, or floating, or something, in blackness. Little silver dots are there too, glimmering on the soles of their boots. Taako wonders who those silver dots are. Who they were.

 

“You’re -- you,” he says, “but you’re all silver. But you’re not like one of the Trees -- ”

 

“I’m just an impression,” she says. “The silver stuff it’s like -- it’s like glue. It’s the stuff that keeps you in one plane instead of all your bits just sort of exploding between them.”

 

“Okay,” says Taako warily. Science has never been his best subject, and he’s already knee deep in it. Literally, as it turns out. 

 

“But the astral plane is transient. It’s supposed to be transient, by nature. So when the silver stuff gets stuck here, it - starts to go bad, kind of. It starts to spoil.”

 

Taako looks around, at the silver dots clinging to the bottom of Merle and Magnus’s shoes, at Lup’s silver face, her dark eyes. “The black stuff,” he says, slowly. “It’s - it’s the spoiled impressions.”

 

Lup smiles, but it’s sad, still. “Knew you’d get it. And the black stuff -- it’s rot. It’s antimatter. The absence of the silver stuff. This whole planet is rotting from the inside out, and it’s gonna turn into a black hole and burn up this whole plane of existence, if you don’t get far away really soon. The good news is, I know where the Light of Creation is, and I think I can help you get to it.”

 

Taako’s stomach sinks. “What’s the bad news?” 

 

Lup flinches, looking at her feet. 

 

_ “Lup,”  _ repeats Taako, heatedly this time, “what’s the bad news?”

 

“The bad news,” says Lup, “is that I think in order to get you there, I have to go black. I have to inhabit one of the Trees.” 

 

Taako says, “No,” before he’s even aware of it coming out of his mouth. Lup can’t become some of that black stuff. He won’t let her start to rot. He thinks about his first dream, with the roots spilling out of her, her skin splitting, the black blood seeping everywhere. 

 

“You’re not gonna come back once you go Tree, right?” he asks. “You’re gonna implode when the planet finally goes, or you’re gonna get zapped by the Hunger -- ”

 

“I don’t know,” says Lup. “But I’m the only one who can do it. The others they’re -- they’re too far gone. I’m decaying slower because I’m not from this plane. I’m different. I’m the only one who can go Tree and help you get there.” 

 

Taako’s heart is in his throat. “There’s got to be -- there’s got to be another way,” he says, desperately. “There’s gotta be a way to  -- ”

 

“Taako, there’s not,” says Lup. “And you can’t be here for much longer. You aren’t supposed to be here to begin with. Look at them, Taako.”

 

Taako glances at Magnus and Merle again, and the silvery stuff has crawled up to their legs, their knees, all chrome-tinged blackness. That’s probably not good. He turns back to Lup.

 

“I’m not leaving you,” says Taako firmly, and is horrified to find tears welling in his eyes. “Lup, I’m not fucking leaving you, you gotta be insane -- ”

 

“This is what it’s for, Taako!” says Lup. “This is what it’s all been for. To  _ save things.  _ If the Hunger gets the Light, that’s it. And it won’t matter if I stopped existing now, or later, or whatever. I’m already  _ dead,  _ Taako. You have to let me go -- ”

 

“Dead is different than  _ not existing!”  _ shouts Taako, and he’s so angry and frightened and hysterical, how can’t she  _ understand --  _

 

“It was a risk we took,” she says, “when we signed up for this. Why did you join the Institute, Taako? Because I joined to save the universe.”

 

Taako looks at her, trying to catch his breath. He’s never heard such a stupid question before. “I joined because of you,” he says, and her face crumples into something like pity and affection. 

 

“Then let me do what I want, Taako,” she says. “Let me try this. For you.”

 

Taako’s chest is tight; he feels like he’s suffocating, like nothing will ever mean anything again. These are the last moments he’ll spend with his sister, maybe ever. Maybe this will be the last time he ever sees her, or remembers what she looks like. Maybe he won’t even remember her existence the next time he wakes up. 

 

“I do  _ everything  _ for you,” he squeezes out. “So I guess I’ll do this, too.”

 

Lup smiles sadly, and Taako wants to touch her so badly. “Love you, bro,” she says. “I’ll see you in your dreams.” 

 

And then she pushes Taako toward Merle and Magnus, or maybe she pulls space towards Taako. It doesn’t matter. He’s spinning toward them quickly, or floating, or swimming.

 

“You gotta zap that shit off your feet,” he shouts, hoping they can hear him. “It’s gonna root you here -- ”

 

Magnus doesn’t hesitate. He shoots the silver stuff collecting under his and Merle’s feet, and it projects the two of them toward Taako, who clings to their arms. He wants so badly to turn and look back at Lup one last time. He wants to memorize her face, like that will prevent it from being erased from his mind. But he and Lup have always defied the odds -- what’s to say they won’t be the first to change the rules of the universe?

 

Lup’s face in his mind, Taako closes his eyes, and Blinks.

 

The three of them tumble to the Solarium floor, Merle’s elbow knocking into Taako’s chest. 

 

“That was fuckin’ -- that was a fuckin’  _ weird  _ place, and I hated it,” Merle is saying, and Magnus is groaning as he gets up, and Taako’s aware that he’s still crying, hot tears spilling over his cheeks. 

 

Magnus realizes it first, of course. “Taako,” he says, kneeling at Taako’s feet. “Taako, what is it -- ”

 

“You can’t wake me up tonight,” says Taako. “When I’m thrashing around you can’t -- you have to let me dream through it -- ”

 

Magnus pulls Taako into his chest, his large hands on either side of Taako’s head. “What happened,” he murmurs, kissing the top of his head gently. 

 

“She’s doing a suicide mission,” says Taako, “to save the universe. She’s gonna - she’s not gonna exist anymore, after tonight. Probably.”

 

Magnus’s face is the worst. It’s the absolute worst thing Taako’s seen. The pity is etched in every line. 

 

“Oh, Taako,” he says, and Taako wrenches himself upward and out of Magnus’s arms. He doesn’t need to be pitied. He doesn’t need to be taken care of, or condescended to. He needs to figure out a way to save Lup. Magnus can’t understand that. 

 

“I have to talk to Barry,” says Taako, and he’s sprinting out the room. Halfway to the door, he hears Merle say, indignantly, “When did you two start fucking, and how does that work?”

 

+++

 

Barry’s in his lab, because of course he is. Barry’s lab makes as much sense to Taako as Barry himself, which is no sense at all. 

 

“Oh, good,” he says, when he looks up to see Taako in the doorway. “You’re back. How did it go? Is everything -- ”

 

He falters, looking at Taako’s face. 

 

“No need to stare,” says Taako flippantly. “I  _ know  _ I’m a sight for sore eyes, but keep your eyes up  _ here _ , Barold.”

 

Barry looks at him, his glasses falling down his nose. “Taako,” he says. “Taako, what’s wrong. Is it - is it Lup?”

 

Taako’s hand clutches into a fist. He releases it. 

 

“Yeah,” he says, trying to keep his voice even. “It’s Lup. She can help us get to the Light of Creation. But she’s gonna risk her very existence to do it. She says it’s because she wants to save the universe.”

 

Barry smiles weakly at that. “That’s our girl,” he says, and Taako resists the urge to hit him. 

 

“My twin isn’t going to  _ exist  _ soon, Barry,” he snaps. “Think about it. Think about what non-existence means. We’ll wake up one day and she’ll be gone, and we won’t even know what we’re missing. Every moment and memory you have with her will go away. Every good thing you think Lup brings to the world is going to  _ stop existing,  _ unless we all buckle the  _ fuck  _ up and stop this from happening!”

 

Barry, of all people, must understand. Taako knows he loves her. Taako knows Barry must be terrified that every moment he’s spent watching her out of the corner of his eye, every touch they’ve ever shared, they can all be gone in an instant. Everything Lup is can go away, and she’s so much. She’s always been so much wonder.

 

Taako looks at Barry pleadingly. Barry swallows. His cheeks are red.

 

Okay,” he says, at last. “Okay. Walk me through it. We’re gonna save her.”

 

+++

 

Magnus is in his room when Taako gets back to it, lying in his bed, arms stretched behind his head. Of course. 

 

“You’re here,” he says, kind of flatly, because he’s pissed at everyone, and that includes Magnus. 

 

Something deflates behind Magnus’s eyes. “I can go,” he says. He sits up. “If you don’t want me here -- ”

 

“Nothing happens the way I want it to, so why should this?” laments Taako, and Magnus just looks at him, confusion and disgust etched all over his face. Taako can feel it a mile away. This is how people always feel about him, in the end. They never  _ understand.  _

 

Magnus stands. “If you’re not gonna tell me what happened,” he says, “I’m not going to sit here and be an audience for your shitty routine, Taako. I’m not gonna feed you your lines.”

 

Anger coils in Taako’s chest, tight and ready to spring. He swallows. “She’s not going to exist anymore, Magnus,” he says, with measured venom, just to let him know how ridiculous he’s being. “She’s going to  _ stop existing,  _ I don’t know why that’s so hard for everyone to understand -- ”

 

“So  _ tell me what to do!”  _ says Magnus, and it’s not a shout, but it’s passionate enough that Taako takes a step back. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it for you, Taako. That’s always been true, and you never just --  _ tell  _ me -- ”

 

“You can’t  _ fix  _ everything,” snaps Taako. “You can’t just - solve Lup’s non-existence, it’s not that easy -- ”

 

Magnus makes a rough sound of frustration. “Do you want to, or not? I know it’s going to be hard. I’m not stupid. I know you think I’m stupid, Taako, but I’m  _ not.  _ I don’t care how hard it is, I’ll do it. That’s what I mean, when I say I love you. I know how hard it’s going to be, but I’ll do it anyway. I am always going to do the hard thing for you. You just have to  _ ask _ .”

 

Taako looks at him. “You’re not...just talking about Lup,” he says, slowly, like an idiot.

 

Magnus nears him, tentatively reaching out for his hand. “No, Taako,” he says, and he’s so  _ certain _ . “I’m not just talking about Lup.”

 

Taako takes his hand. “I don’t think you’re stupid,” he says. “Or I guess - I mean, I kind of think everyone’s stupid. That’s kind of my thing. But I don’t think you’re any stupider than anyone else.”

 

“Gee,” says Magnus, but he’s smiling now, “thanks.”

 

He reaches down to cradle Taako’s head in his large hands. “I’m scared,” he says. “I’m scared for you. I’m scared that I can’t do anything about this. When we were in the astral plane - me and Merle, we - we were kind of useless, you know? Like, I could see Lup but I couldn’t get over to her, couldn’t hear what you were saying. All I could do was sit there and paddle, and try to get close to you, silver stuff all over me. But you’re the one who plans, and I just - I’ll be there. I’ll be there to shoot stuff, or axe stuff, or beat whatever you need down. Whenever you need me. Just tell me what to do.”

 

Taako looks up at him, at his kind, weary face. “I’m sorry I’m mean to you,” he says. “I’m sorry I’m mean about everything.”

 

Magnus smiles again. “I know,” he says, softly. “I know you are.”

 

“I do love you,” says Taako, the words bubbling up from inside him. “It’s just that I’ve only realized what love is about two days ago, so I’m pretty bad at it. You’re gonna have to bear with me while I figure it out.”

 

Magnus leans down and kisses him soundly, and Taako’s heart hammers against his chest. “Okay,” murmurs Magnus against his lips. “Okay, I’ll bear with you.”

 

Taako kisses him again, and again, and tries to memorize the feeling of it, the way Magnus’s mouth feels, the way his arms pull him close, the feeling of his chest against Magnus’s torso. If he’s going to lose Lup, at least he’s going to remember Magnus. So help him, he’s gonna remember Magnus. 

 

Magnus pulls away, starry-eyed and breathless, unbearably beautiful. “We’re gonna save Lup, Taako,” he promises. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

 

+++

 

Taako’s disagreed with Lucretia over the years, but there’s not a disloyal bone in her body. That much, he knows. She’s suitably terrified at the idea that Lup’s existence is in jeopardy, running a hand over her face in horror. 

 

“We can’t let that happen,” she says, and her voice is only just trembling. You might not even hear it, if you weren’t listening for it. “That’s not going to happen to Lup.”

 

“We can’t stop her,” says Davenport. “We’ve learned that. We can’t  _ stop  _ her from going Tree. She might’ve already done it. So we have to figure out a way to bring her back. We can’t leave her in the astral plane to rot.”

 

“Right,” says Taako. “Any ideas?”

 

There’s a long silence, the impossibility of the situation setting in. They’ve never tried to fix a plane before. They’re always running along, playing defense, working through triage.

 

“Magnus and Taako are having sex,” offers Merle.

 

Everyone turns to look at him at once. 

 

“What,” says Lucretia, evenly.

 

Merle smiles proudly. “Magnus told me. I guessed, but Magnus told me. I’ve learned a lot, y’know. Learned a lot about what bits go where. Got some stuff I might wanna try.”

 

“On  _ whom?”  _ asks Davenport, in abject horror.

 

“It’s not just  _ sex,”  _ says Taako indignantly, and everyone turns to look at  _ him.  _

 

“What,” says Lucretia again, evenly. 

 

Taako turns red. “It’s - you know. It’s like,  _ love,  _ or whatever.” He glances at Magnus, who is beaming. Taako’s stomach quivers.

 

“Okay,” says Barry, looking between Magnus, Taako, and Merle. “I’m - we’re all happy for you. I really - and I think I speak for everyone here when I say this - I really wish we could have learned about this without thinking about your sex lives, or, more importantly,  _ Merle’s  _ sex life, but uh, that’s really great, guys.”

 

“I know all the terms now,” says Merle. “Hey, did you guys know about the prostate?”

 

Barry chokes.

 

“Yeah, congratulations,” says Davenport, either to Taako and Magnus or to Merle.

  
“As fascinating and scintillating as tales of my sexuality are,” says Taako loudly, “can we return to the concept of saving Lup’s very existence?”

 

“I’ll tell you guys later,” says Merle. He waggles his eyebrows. “ _ Lots  _ of neat stuff.” Magnus just laughs, cheeks pink.

 

“So the impressions are getting stuck in the astral plane,” says Lucretia, cutting across them loudly. “And it’s causing them to rot. And the rotting is what’s inhabiting the Trees, which is why they’re in our dreams.”

 

Taako resists the urge to snap at her like,  _ yes, very good, gold star for you, can you tell us something we don’t know.  _ But the only other people who can help him are in this room. He keeps his mouth shut. 

 

“So we have to figure out a way to get them un-stuck,” says Davenport. “What’s the opposite of being stuck?”

 

“What’s the opposite of rotting?” asks Magnus. 

 

Merle laughs suddenly then, a full belly laugh, a hand on his stomach. “Oh, God,” he says. “It’s really that easy, isn’t it?”

 

Taako swivels his head to look at him. “If you say anything about the prostate -- ”

 

“Creation’s the opposite of rot. And light’s the opposite of darkness,” Merle says, glaring at him. “So gee whiz, I wish there was something, potentially on this planet, that could create some kind of  _ light of creation  _ to stop the decay of the dark stuff in the astral plane.”

 

Lucretia laughs in disbelief, a hand atop her head. “Oh, my God,” she says. “It  _ is  _ that easy.”

 

“Well,” says Davenport, thinking, “the concept is. But the execution…”

 

“Lup said she’s going to show me where the Light is tonight, in a dream,” says Taako. “So tomorrow, first thing, we go and get it.”

 

“And then what?” asks Barry. “We’ve never brought it with us to another plane before, we don’t even know if that’s possible -- ”

 

“Maybe we need just a piece,” says Magnus. “Like, if we can use part of it…?”

 

“I don’t think that’s wise,” says Lucretia. “We barely know enough about it, but separating a piece from it and then taking it to another plane?”

 

“So we bring the whole thing,” says Taako. “Because that’s our only choice. Lup wants to save this plane, and we want to save Lup. So that’s what we do. Unless anyone else has any other way to prevent the rotting of the astral plane, and this planet’s entire universe.”

 

This is what Taako’s good at. He knows how to pull the trigger when no one else will. He hopes he’s not holding the gun to all of their heads. 

 

Magnus shoots a smile at him, warm and comforting. Taako wants to kiss it. 

 

“Okay,” says Davenport. “Okay. We’re gonna steal the Light of Creation. Sort of.” He looks at Taako. “It’s up to you to let Lup guide you in your dream.”

 

Taako nods, swallowing. That’s the thing problem with even the best-laid plans: they still require execution. And it’s up to him to do the first part. 

 

+++

 

That night, Taako can’t sleep. Because of course he can’t.

 

Magnus is next to him in his bed, arms around his stomach, snoring gently. He’d tried to stay awake until Taako fell asleep, but that had only proved adorably irritating.

 

“I’m not going to fall asleep with you  _ staring  _ at me,” says Taako. “And you’ve been yawning for the past half hour, so you might as well just go to sleep.” 

 

“You’re really pretty, though,” Magnus mumbles into his shoulder, and Taako blushes faintly. 

 

“I know. Go to sleep.”

 

But it’s been two hours since then and Taako’s still awake, staring at the ceiling. The pressure isn’t exactly conducive to sleep, nor is the idea that the next time he sees his sister might be the last time he ever even remembers  _ having  _ a sister. 

 

Eventually, Taako does what he always does. He goes to cook.

 

He squeezes out from Magnus’s embrace, trying not to wake him. He looks beautiful and open, light from this planet’s three moons glittering over his face. Taako wants to kiss him, but he decides against it. 

 

He chooses to make a crepe assortment, digging up whatever he can in the fridge: savory, sweet, cheese-filled, breakfast crepes, dessert crepes. 

 

He’s mostly finished Crepes Suzette when Magnus appears. The image of him leaning against the doorway in his pajama pants, arms crossed over his chest, is so familiar that it makes Taako’s chest hurt. 

 

“Hi,” says Magnus, yawning a little. “I’m glad I don’t have to pretend that I wasn’t sleeping this time.”

 

Taako looks at him, unbearably fond. “How did you know I was here?”

 

Magnus comes to stand next to him at the stove, moving him aside with his hip, one large hand wrapping around Taako’s waist. 

 

“Because I know you,” he says, lifting the crepe carefully with the spatula he steals from Taako’s hand. “And because I love you.”

 

Taako waits until the crepe is out of the pan before lunging at him, jumping easily into his arms, legs wrapped around his waist. 

 

“I still think love is stupid,” says Taako, kissing him soundly, “but I’m glad we’re apparently both idiots.”

 

Magnus kisses him back, and his mouth is hungry and reassuring. 

 

“I love you,” he murmurs into Taako’s mouth, his neck, his hair. “I really, really do.”

 

It amazes Taako how easy this is, compared to before. He’d wanted Magnus to love him and want him so badly, and all he’d had to do was shut the fuck up. Astonishing. 

 

One of Magnus’s hands reaches down to readjust Taako’s position, cupping his ass. 

 

“Taako,” he says, his voice tight, “we’re gonna have to — you need to go to sleep — “

 

“She’ll be waiting for me,” says Taako, pressing his chest against Magnus’s. He can feel the heat radiating from it. Magnus is always so  _ warm.  _ He feels like a fever. “Magnus, I  _ need  _ you — ”

 

Magnus groans, shuddering with desire. “Fuck, okay. Okay, let’s go back to — ”

 

“Now,” says Taako, kicking the stove off with his foot. He kisses the column of Magnus’s throat, the tender spot below his ear, hands scraping Magnus’s chest. “Here.”

 

Magnus swallows. “Our friends  _ eat  _ here — ” he starts to say, and then stops when Taako rolls his hips against him, already hardening. “Fuck. Yeah. Okay.”

 

He turns to prop Taako up on the counter, reaching for the hem of his shirt, but Taako’s pulling it off before Magnus can even do it himself. Magnus leans down, kisses Taako’s collarbone, his chest, his nipples, his sternum, mouth hot and greedy. 

 

When he starts to kneel, Taako realizes what’s going to happen and his hips buck of their own accord, a high sound eking from the back of his throat. 

 

Magnus pulls at the waistband of Taako’s pajama pants and underwear, and Taako lifts his hips obediently, transfixed by the sight of Magnus on his knees in front of him. 

 

“Fuck,” says Magnus, looking at him. “It’s honestly unfair that every part of you is so beautiful.”

 

If Taako didn’t want Magnus to suck his dick really, really badly, he would’ve pulled him up to kiss him, just for that. 

 

“Mmmmf,” he manages, lamely, and Magnus takes Taako’s cock gently in one large hand. The friction of Magnus’s hand, rough with calluses, almost sends Taako scrabbling. He clutches the edge of the counter, trying to steel himself. 

 

Carefully, slowly, Magnus eases his mouth onto Taako, his thick lips stretching beautifully. He pulls back off with a soft suctioning sound, and licks his lips hungrily. 

 

“Baby,” he says, and  _ wow,  _ apparently that’s something Taako’s into, who would’ve guessed, “you taste so good.”

 

“Yeah?” he asks, so softly he’s not even sure he’s made a sound, and Magnus nods, taking all of Taako in with his beautiful, maddening mouth. 

 

“Mmhmm,” he murmurs, and the vibration of the sound shoots up Taako’s body like an electric spark. 

 

“You look so good on your knees,” says Taako, barely registering the words coming out of his mouth. “You look so good on your knees for me, I had no idea you could take it like this — ”

 

Magnus nods, quickening his pace, taking more and more of Taako in his mouth, relaxing his throat. Taako’s hands start to shake, the muscles in his abdomen tightening. 

 

“You’re so good,” he says again, “so good to me, everything about you is perfect, honestly — oh,  _ fuck — “  _

 

His dick nudges at the back of Magnus’s throat, which means Magnus has  _ done this before,  _ which is both incredibly hot and also makes Taako stupidly jealous. 

 

“No one else, anymore,” he says, “just me and this. I need you, you’re so - you’re so  _ sexy,  _ Magnus, really - you’re so big, I think about you all the time, even when I’m mad at you, even when I - fuck - even when I yell at you I’m still thinking about how fucking gorgeous you - oh,  _ shit -  _ are, I’m gonna think about how good you look right now for the rest of my -  _ life —  _ ”

 

Magnus makes a gentle sound on Taako’s cock, something pleading and gentle and affirming, or maybe he’s just choking a little, it doesn’t matter, because Taako’s coming harder than he’s ever come in his life, one hand gripping the back of Magnus’s head, the other holding onto the counter for dear life. 

 

When he comes back down, Magnus is kneeling at his feet, lips red and shiny, eyes hazy with desire. He stands, slowly, puts a hand on the small of Taako’s back, kissing him deeply. 

 

“You’re good at talking,” he says, quietly, “but I wanna make you shut up.”

 

Taako just nods vigorously, lets himself be picked up and -  _ Jesus, Magnus —  _ deposited on the kitchen table. 

 

“Hands and knees,” says Magnus gently, and Taako’s head is so full of  _ Magnus, Magnus, Magnus, Magnus,  _ that he doesn’t even think about disagreeing. It’s hard under his knees but Magnus has thought of that, puts a dish towel under him neatly, as if he isn’t sporting a raging erection. 

 

“Coconut oil,” says Taako, panting. “By - stove - ”

 

Magnus grabs it, gently turning Taako’s head so that he’s braced on the table, back arched. There’s the sound of the jar unscrewing, oil being spread on Magnus’s fingers, and then the incredible sensation of being filled. Magnus’s other hand lazily strokes Taako’s ass, squeezing it periodically. 

 

“Good,” he says, like he wasn’t just on his knees moments ago. “Good.”

 

Taako makes a wounded sound as Magnus adds a second finger, then a third, and then there aren’t thoughts as he saws them gently in and out, stretching, crooking, thrusting. Taako’s already mostly hard again as Magnus hits the right spot inside him again and again and again inside him, ruthlessly diligent and calculatingly slow. 

 

“Need,” says Taako, not a full sentence, as Magnus works his fingers deeper. “F-fuck. Magnus. I need — ”

 

“I know,” says Magnus, and squeezes his ass. “Shh.”

 

If Taako was in his right mind, he’d tell Magnus promptly to shut the fuck up. 

 

But with three of Magnus’s fingers in his ass pumping at a torturously languid pace, he’s unable to muster the vitriol or the words. He’s practically sobbing by the time he feels Magnus’s fingers pull slowly out of him, hips bucking for friction that he can’t find. 

 

“Yes,” says Taako, or at least he thinks he does. 

 

There’s the sound of the coconut oil again, and then a gentle pressure as Magnus eases the tip of his cock into Taako. 

 

“Oh,  _ fuck,”  _ swears Taako as Magnus slowly enters him, and there are tears in his eyes now, the need to be fucked eliminating all other thoughts. He’s painfully hard again, he doesn’t know how Magnus is exercising this much control when he hasn’t even come once, but Taako needs to be touched  _ now.  _

 

Magnus, thankfully, doesn’t torture him any longer. He allows Taako to adjust to being filled and then starts rigorously pumping away, every thrust hitting perfectly. Taako claws at the table with nothing to purchase, unable to reach for himself in order to stay balanced, most of his torso pressed to the table. 

 

“So good, baby,” says Magnus again, and Taako shudders helplessly, trying not to cry out, the slap of Magnus’s skin against his punctuating the silence. “I bet you could come again, without me even touching you.”

 

“Nn,” says Taako, trying to form any coherent thought, but Magnus feels so good, so fucking good, so good, so good, so unbelievably, fucking good — 

 

“I won’t be that mean this time,” says Magnus, as if Taako could even protest or exert any power in this situation whatsoever, and one of his hands snakes around, gripping Taako’s cock in a loose fist. 

 

“Everyone on the ship’s gonna hear this and know,” he says, and Taako nearly sobs with desire. “Everyone’s gonna know that you’re mine, and they’ll all be so jealous, because I’m the only one who gets to be with you. You’re so beautiful, fuck, so - beautiful - ”

 

His pace grows erratic, and Taako knows he’s going to come soon, punctuating his praise with powerful thrusts that jolt Taako’s entire body. When he finally comes, it’s with a hand on Taako’s cock, the other hand splayed across his ass, Taako’s name on his lips. 

 

He thrusts gently through it, keeps his grip on Taako’s cock, and it isn’t until he says, wearily, voice wrecked, “You can come for me, babe,” that Taako does again, spurting into Magnus’s fist and onto the table, trying to muffle a cry into his arm. 

 

Taako’s knees buckle and he flops onto the table, utterly exhausted, curled partway into the fetal position. Magnus himself is half-hanging over the table, unable to support him upright any longer. Taako curls into his torso instinctively, and Magnus’s arm wraps around him. 

 

“Fuck,” says Magnus, and Taako just nods, speech still difficult. Magnus brushes his lips against the crown of Taako’s head and Taako allows himself a smile, private and sweet, into the heat of Magnus’s chest. 

 

“Okay,” says Taako weakly, and his voice is so small he almost doesn’t recognize it. “Okay, you need to clean us up and then I’m ready for sleep.”

 

Magnus’s eyes widen a little before he adjusts, presumably not to distress him, which is sweet. 

 

“Of course,” he says, and Taako knows he means it. Of course he’ll take care of this. Of course he’ll take care of him. 

 

Magnus dampens a towel, cleans Taako’s legs, the table, their hands carefully, and it’s so tender that Taako feels his heart hammering against his ribs, just from his soft touch. He’s already fading into sleep by the time Magnus pulls him into his clothes and then into his arms, walking him out into the hallway. 

 

“Your bedroom or mine?” he asks, with a gentle kiss to Taako’s forehead, and Taako says something like, “It doesn’t matter.”

 

He’s mostly asleep by the time Magnus tucks him into whomever’s bed, kissing him on the forehead. 

 

“I love you,” he says, and Taako tries to mumble something back before sleep finally takes him. 

 

+++

 

The first thing Taako sees is the Trees. This time he’s not in a clearing. He’s in the forest. 

 

No, actually. He’s in the ravine. The ravine Lup fell in. He’s standing both in it and above it, looking down at himself and through his own eyes. 

 

“Lup,” he says, and tries to keep his voice calm. “Lup. I’m here.”

 

There’s a loud whistle through the trees, like wind but with more energy, thousands of old songs sung at once. It sounds like a familiar melody, but he can’t hear it properly, like an old radio coming in at a bad frequency. 

 

“I know you’re here,” he says. “I promise, I want to help. I want to find the Light.”

 

There’s the sound again, and Taako thinks it sounds like anxiety. His, or hers, or Theirs, he’s not sure. 

 

“You can look into my - my heart, or whatever,” he says. “You know it’s true, I just want to find the light, to keep you all safe. I want to stop what’s happening to you.”

 

_ Taako,  _ says someone, or many people.  _ Come and find me.  _

 

“I’m coming,” he says, to Lup and to the distance. “I’ll always come and find you. In any universe.”

 

He starts walking. 

 

He walks forever.

 

He’s walking the same path as his other dreams, but he isn’t running this time. He’s careful, this time. He’s watching, and learning, and listening. 

 

The path approaches the clearing, so familiar and so strange at once. There’s the black dot in the distance. Taako fears its approach as much as he yearns for it, because he’s not sure what kind of Lup he’ll find: Lup, or Not-Lup, or something more frightening and strange. 

 

“I’m the Liaison to the Dead,” he says. “And I want to find the Light of Creation.”

 

The dot grows bigger, but the clearing is also disappearing as he walks, crowding back in on itself. The trees get thicker and thicker, brush sprouting from the ground. There’s water running nearby. The dot grows ever bigger.

 

“Lup,” says Taako again. “Lup, I want to help. I know you can hear me.”

 

The black dot’s getting larger with every step, and it takes everything in Taako not to run. But he knows he shouldn’t, this time. He knows he’s supposed to be methodical. 

 

It takes another eternity. Taako’s sure days have come and passed, lifetimes lived. He feels old by the time the dot starts elongating. He feels like he’s seen thousands of years dawn. But once it starts elongating - it’s hard to stop. The dot becomes Lup before he’s even ready for it, not that he could ever be ready for it. Because it’s not Lup, and it’s not Not-Lup. It’s a Tree. It’s a Tree that looks like Lup, kind of, her face etched out in knots and branches, her magnificent hair in leaves, her hands in branches, and yeah: she’s seeping black blood sap out of where her mouth should be.

 

“ _ Lov- _ ing the new look,” says Taako. “Did you get your hair done? I know perms are coming back but I was worried when you said you were gonna get one. Very chic. I’m jealous.”

 

There is a long, quiet silence, and Taako’s heart races. He can feel every cell run through his veins. 

 

Then the Tree begins to shake, its leaves whistling, that awful black blood gurgling, branches rippling, a sound vibrating through Taako’s entire body. 

 

_ It’s laughing,  _ Taako realizes, and then corrects himself.  _ She’s laughing.  _

 

“Lup,” he says, half in relief. “It’s me. Hi.”

 

He’s as happy to see her as he is horrified - the Tree in front of him is very much Lup, but it’s also so unlike Lup that he can’t bear to think about failure. The idea that she had been willing to become  _ this  _ until her last moment of existence makes his heart ache. 

 

“You gonna show me where the Light is, so we can save the damn world, or what?” he asks. “I’ve been waiting for you to show up. Took your time.”

 

The Tree rustles again and then starts to move. Not walk, not exactly. It’s like the movement in the astral plane -- they’re moving by space being pulled toward them. Taako’s not sure how it’s done, but he knows it’s happening, so he doesn’t question it too much. He’s had enough of trying to understand the quantum mechanics of his universe. 

 

“So how you been?” he asks, and the Tree stops and turns toward him once, Lup’s knot eyes blown wide, mouth frowning, blood pouring out of it. It’s a terrifying iteration of a face Taako knows well on his sister, something like,  _ Not now.  _

 

He shuts up.

 

They walk, or move, or space moves toward them for another while. It’s so long that Taako’s heart rate almost starts to regulate, just out of longevity rather than any acceptance of Tree Lup, or what they’re doing, or what this feels like. 

 

Taako had wondered if the clearing he’d been visiting existed somewhere on the planet. He’s still not sure, but the space they’re moving through is slowly turning into terrain he recognizes. There -- that’s where they’d landed originally, before the Trees had attacked the first time. And there, over on the ridge, that’s where the Starblaster should be, hidden in a natural cave. He still doesn’t know quite where they are, but they’ve been walking the planet long enough now that he knows certain markers. 

 

When Tree Lup finally stops, Taako wants to groan, or laugh, or hit someone, or all three.

 

They’re back in the ravine. At the foot of the hill they’d been trying to climb. 

 

“Are you fucking joking,” Taako says flatly, unable to stop himself. Tree Lup ignores him. 

 

“We’ve been here,” says Taako, and Tree Lup turns to look at him, vaguely annoyed but mostly exasperated, if exasperation can be reflected through tree knots and black blood sap. 

 

“ _ Why  _ are we here again?” asks Taako, and Tree Lup makes a sound like a sigh. Taako can almost hear her voice. 

 

_ Patience, bro. Trust the process, and all that. _

 

But he doesn’t. All he hears are the rustle of leaves, chilling vibrations, the sound of wood aching. 

 

Tree Lup moves them along the bottom of the ravine, toward the hill they’d been trying to scale. Outside of his dream, this terrain had been difficult to traverse. He remembers how difficult it had been — that’s why Lup died to begin with. But now, in his dream, he walks through it easily, like walking a paved road. Every rock, tree root, fallen branch turns to nothingness under his steps. 

 

_ Great,  _ thinks Taako.  _ Great to know that all I had to do was do this in my sleep.  _

 

They reach the bottom of the hill. Taako looks at the top of it. 

 

“Are we going up?” he asks. “Were we right?”

 

_ Yes and no,  _ he thinks, and he’s not sure if he’s thought the words, or Tree Lup put them there. 

 

Tree Lup stops, suddenly, and Taako can sense reluctance in her. Fear, maybe. 

 

“What is it?” he asks, but Tree Lup ignores him again. Her roots start growing, crawling into the earth in ways that make Taako’s skin crawl. They run deep - he can feel them shaking the earth under his feet. And then Tree Lup’s body starts to distort, lengthening, quaking, her bark splitting, revealing green growth and black blood underneath it. She grows and bends, grows and bends, until her branches reach the ground a few feet away, her body bowed into an arch. 

 

She stops moving. Everything is very still. 

 

“What is — ” starts Taako, but stops almost immediately. Under the arch formed by Tree Lup’s body is a cave. It can’t be new; it’s old, craggy, weathered down by erosion. But he doesn’t remember seeing it before Lup had bent herself over it, either. 

 

“You’re not coming in with me, huh?” he asks, and he doesn’t try hiding the fear in his voice. Lup would be able to hear it anyway. 

 

Tree Lup does not move, doesn’t even make another sound, her leaves and branches perfectly still.

 

“Okay,” he says, swallowing. “Okay. In we go.”

 

The first thing he thinks is,  _ this isn’t so bad.  _

 

The second thing he thinks is,  _ this is horrible and I want out.  _

 

The cave is a tunnel, actually, running straight into the center of the hill, from Taako’s general sense of direction. It winds, looping downward and then, somehow, back up, but Taako’s pretty sure he’s still under the hill. Not that it matters. The tunnel’s purpose seems to be confusion. He wishes Lup was here — any iteration of her. Her presence would be reassuring, in any form she took. 

 

Taako’s been walking for a while when he sees something glimmer in the distance. He squints, wondering if his eyes are tricking him, but there it is again — the faintest promise of light. 

 

He increases his pace, heart racing. Eventually, the tunnel widens and widens and widens, and then he is standing in a room. And in the center of this huge room, is the Light of Creation. 

 

All pretense abandoned, Taako races toward it, but he instantly falls. There’s something on the floor. He can’t make it out. The Light is bright but everything else is dark, and the floor is a gnarled mess of branches and stones, from the feel of it. He manages to stand up despite the uneven floor. He starts to take a step, but his foot doesn’t even lift from the ground before he sees it. Before he sees  _ them.  _

 

The room isn’t dark anymore. In every direction, radiating out from around the Light, are thousands and thousands of ghosts. Some of them are races Taako recognizes, but others are nearly featureless, slick shapes that he can’t parse, and a few of them are Trees — not like he’s known them, but whole and handsome, tall, proud. It’s almost moving. He wants to be afraid, but it’s so beautiful, this stunning, silver army. 

 

His admiration fades quickly when he realizes what he’d been falling into on the ground.

 

Bones and bones and bones, as far as the eye can see, and a silvery ghost on every grave.  All guarding the Light.

 

“Oh shit,” says Taako vaguely, and they all laugh. Every one of them. In unison.

 

It makes the hair stand up on Taako’s arms. 

 

“Ghosts,” he says. “That’s - very normal. Just a normal thing to find under a hill. A mass grave, and ghosts, and also you’re all - you’re all just guarding the Light of Creation, huh? That’s just - very neat. Very cool concept. Nine out of ten, definitely. Coulda done without the terrifying dreams, and the laughter, and sort of the whole ‘we’re gonna kill you’ vibe you guys are putting out there but solid execution for  _ sure _ .”

 

None of the ghosts move or talk, but that's pretty par for the course. Taako is used to taking the reins at this point. 

 

“Listen, buds,” he says, leaning into his bravado. “I know that there's some fucked up shit happening in the astral plane right now. I want to help. I just - and hear me out - I'm gonna need to like, grab the Light of the Creation? I'll bring it right back, full tank and everything.”

 

There's a long silence before one of the Trees speaks, in that familiar vibrating way Taako has somehow become accustomed to. It's the Tree standing closest to the Light, taller than all the others, its face strong and proud. 

 

_ You will take it,  _ it says.  _ Like they always do.  _

 

“Others have before?” asks Taako, and some of the ghosts laugh again. 

 

_ Others have tried.  _

 

Taako shivers. “I don't want to take it. I swear. My sister, Lup - she's one of you. And she told me about the impressions rotting in the astral plane. I've been there. I've seen it. I just want to save you all. I don't want you to rot.”

 

That's kind of true. Mostly true, he reasons. He wants to save Lup, so he wants to save them by extension. 

 

“Listen,” he says, gaining momentum, “I can travel between planes. And I've seen what the Light can do. It can make you like this again. It can save this plane.”

 

There's a slow, pregnant pause. It lasts so long Taako thinks they've forgotten he's there. And then, finally:

 

_ Wake up, Taako. Liaison to the Dead. It’s time to wake up. _

 

Taako opens his eyes. 

 

+++

 

When Taako wakes up, Magnus is three inches from his face. 

 

“ _ What the fuck?”  _ shouts Taako in surprise, and Magnus shouts back. 

 

“ _ You were twitching weirdly!” _

 

Still utterly confused, heart pounding, Taako tries to make sense of his surroundings. He's in Magnus's room, and Magnus is next to him, and everything smells like Magnus. That's as grounded as he needs to be. 

 

“So,” says Magnus, gently, and Taako leans in and kisses him. 

 

“I know where the Light is,” he says. “There  _ might  _ be an army of ghosts guarding it. Not sure if they're gonna let us in or not.”

 

“An army of ghosts,” repeats Magnus. “Okay. Okay that's - we'll work with that.”

 

He puts his hands on either side of Taako's face, searching for something there. 

 

“You okay? With - Lup?”

 

Taako swallows, thinking about Tree Lup and her knotted face. 

 

“No,” he says. “But we're gonna save her.”

 

Magnus kisses him swiftly. “Damn right,” he says. “Damn right, let's go save Lup.”

 

+++

 

The others, Taako discovers, have been more or less anxiously waiting for his awakening in the kitchen, drinking coffee and fretting. Taako's cheeks burn when he remembers what he and Magnus had done the night before on the very table where Lucretia is resting her mug. 

 

“Hello,” she says, clearly trying to sound at ease. “Did you - sleep well?”

 

“Yeah,” says Taako flippantly, “I know where the Light of Creation is.” He grabs a mug and Davenport pours him coffee obligingly. “Only thing is, it's sort of - you know, guarded by an army of ghosts of those who died on the planet.”

 

There's a long silence. 

 

“Well,” says Barry, “that's consistent, at least. The impressions are what keep things in one plane. And if they're sick, that means they're not functioning properly, which is how we end up with monster Trees and uh, a ghost army.”

 

“Well, fantastic,” says Merle, slapping his knee sarcastically. “At least the science is consistent!”

 

“How do we fight ghosts?” asks Magnus. 

 

Taako shakes his head. “I don't think we do. They're scared we want the Light for ourselves.”

 

“Which we do,” Lucretia points out, and Taako dismissed this with a wave of his hand. 

 

“Only kind of. That's semantics. We just need them to let us take it to the astral plane.”

 

“So no Space Gun,” says Magnus, and Davenport sighs. 

 

“Right,” says Taako. “We go in as a diplomatic party, and if shit goes south we uh, use magic and run away.”

 

Magnus raises his hand. “For those of us without magic, could we maybe pack some very small weapons, just in case?”

 

Taako fights a smile. “Yes,” he says. “You can bring some very small weapons, just in case you can figure out a way to use a dagger on a ghost.”

 

Magnus grins, appeased. 

 

“So where is it?” asks Lucretia. “Where's the Light?”

 

Taako sighs. “It's in a mass grave in a hill, through a cave accessible only through my sister's Tree body.”

 

+++

 

They set out just after breakfast. Merle hates hiking, he reminds everyone repeatedly. His legs aren't meant for this terrain. 

 

“We're pilgrimaging to my sister’s death site to try and save her existence,” Taako snaps eventually, and Merle clamps his mouth shut. “None of us are enjoying ourselves.”

 

They wind their way to the floor of the ravine, following Taako's lead. He isn't leading them blindly, exactly, but he's only certain he's going the right direction one out of every four times. He hadn’t been steering last time. He isn’t sure he’d even been moving. 

 

They walk for hours, over terrain Taako thinks they’ve covered before. 

 

“Are we going in circles?” Davenport finally asks, and Taako’s not really sure. Maybe they are. It doesn’t  _ feel  _ like they are. It feels like the only way through is around and around again. 

 

“Yes and no,” says Taako, squinting in the distance. “I think we’ve been here before, but I think this is the way through. I don’t think space works the way we’re used to down here.”

 

Lucretia looks up at the walls of rock and earth surrounding them like two great waves. “Okay,” she says. “Keep leading.”

 

Taako shoots a grateful look at her before soldiering forward.

 

He’s right, somewhat accidentally. Eventually, the hill comes into sight. But that’s not what his eyes lock onto. There, still in the arch as she had been in his dream, is Tree Lup.

 

“Oh, fuck,” says Magnus. “Is that -- ”

 

“Yeah,” says Taako. “It is.”

 

Magnus looks vaguely ill. All of them do, actually. Lucretia grimaces, putting a hand to her mouth; Davenport looks like he’s trying not to tear his eyes away; Barry looks stricken, a tightness in his neck; Merle gasps and then tries to cover it with a cough. 

 

“Hey, Lup,” calls Taako as they approach. Tree Lup doesn’t move, doesn’t even rustle. Taako wonders how far gone she is. He pictures her in the astral plane, covered with black blood, rotting from the inside out. His stomach churns. 

 

He leads the rest of them under the arch of Tree Lup’s body, touching her bark appreciatively like the doorposts of a temple. 

 

Once inside, Davenport looks around the cave, squinting into the darkness. “How far does this go?” he asks, and his voice bounces around the walls:  _ how far does this go, how far does this go, how far does this go, how far does this… _

 

“I don’t know,” says Taako. “In the dream, it was a long time. But I don’t think space works the same way there.”

 

Davenport nods, jotting something down in his notebook. Taako fights the urge to laugh at the absurdity. Just in case they ever run into this situation again, this information about the magic cave leading to a mass grave might be helpful. 

 

They walk on, Taako at the front. He’s not sure how long they walk this time, either. He thinks it’s an hour or two, but it could be half of that, or it could be twice that. It’s strangely reassuring to think that time is working the same way as it did in his dream. Taako doesn’t like surprises. At least now, the horrible surrealism is something he’s encountered before. He doesn’t have a plan for what to do about the ghosts, but he’s got six people with him who can help him figure that one out. Hopefully. 

 

“Are we -- ” Magnus starts to ask, and then stops. There, ahead of them, is the twinkle of the Light of Creation. “So that’s -- there it is, huh.”

 

“Misleading,” says Taako, sighing. “It’s further than that. And again, surrounded by ghosts you can’t see yet. But we’re getting close.”

 

Magnus nods, coming to walk at Taako’s side, his large presence steady and comforting. Taako wants to touch him, but he doesn’t want anyone else to see. It’s not that he’s embarrassed; he just doesn’t want anyone else to be a part of what they have, still so fragile and so new. He wants it to be the two of them for just a little bit longer. 

 

Magnus turns to look at him. “What?”

 

Taako shakes his head, blushing in the darkness. “Nothing.”

 

Magnus grins, winking in a way he thinks is surreptitious, and Taako thinks that if they’re facing the end of the universe, at least Magnus is there with him. At least that’s something. 

 

Dying for Lup and dying with Magnus. If that’s the way it goes, that’s the way it goes. 

 

Taako’s stomach pulls gently, just below his belly button, and he knows what’s coming. He knows they’re there.

 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he says, and they plunge into darkness. 

 

There’s the sound of their feet hitting stone and dried bones jangling together like jewelry as they shuffle toward the light.

 

“This is creepy,” says Barry, “knowing they’re bones.”

 

“Try  _ not  _ knowing they’re bones,” says Taako, and Barry shudders. 

 

Taako stops just before the Light, feeling foolish. “Okay,” he calls out. “It’s me. I know you’re all here, and this is just, a  _ killer  _ joke, really, but if we could move this along that’d be very choice.”

 

There’s a long silence, and for a moment Taako thinks maybe he’d been mistaken. Maybe there weren’t any ghosts after all. But then, all of a sudden, like flames flickering into existence -- there they are, all around them, a silver, silent army.

 

“Well, holy shit,” says Merle. “Wouldya look at that.” 

 

“We don’t have weapons on us,” says Taako, raising his hands in a gesture of peace. “But I told you. We’re here to take the Light. We’re here to save you.”

 

The Tree that had spoken in his dream laughs, the sound eerie and awful. 

 

_ Why do we need saving, Taako, Liaison for the Dead?  _

 

Taako rolls his eyes. “Because your plane is dying, and you know that. And you’re all gonna get wiped out. You’re going to stop existing.”

 

There’s a rustling, as some of the ghosts talk amongst themselves, but Taako can’t hear the words. 

 

_ For many of us, non-existence is a gift. When you have existed so long and so awfully, you learn to welcome nothingness.  _

 

Anger burns in Taako’s veins. 

 

“But we haven’t yet!” Magnus yells from beside him. “And we’re not going to. So you might as well help us!”

 

Taako turns to look at him, wide-eyed, and Magnus blushes, the color spreading across his dark cheeks. 

 

“Also,” says Magnus, with less passion, “this is uh, Magnus Burnsides. I don’t have a title. I mean, Taako technically gave himself that title, so  _ he  _ doesn’t have one either, but um, yeah, just - just Magnus Burnsides.”

 

_ Greetings, Magnus Burnsides, of no title.  _

 

“Look,” says Taako. “Cards on the table, here. That Tree outside is my sister, and I don’t want her to go away. If you guys want to disappear that’s - that’s on you, I guess. I can’t imagine it feels good to be a ghost. We’re - we’re kind of ghosts, too. We’ve been living and living and living, and no one knows why.”

 

There’s a pause, as the Tree considers his words. 

 

_ Your sister is strange like you.  _

 

Taako feels the absurd desire to laugh.

 

“We’re all strange like her,” says Lucretia, stepping forward. Her skin glows in the Light, her chin jutting upward proudly. She’s shaking, but her hands are clenched in defiant fists at her side. “We’ve been traveling between planes for decades, but we never age. And we’ve been trying to outrun the Hunger - that other black stuff. Not the kind that’s rotting you, the kind that’s -- “

 

_ The crystals,  _ says the Tree.  _ We have felt them nearing.  _

 

Lucretia swallows. “Right,” she says. “So if you don’t let us protect the Light, you’re not the only ones who stop existing. Thousands of planes just like this one could get wiped out. Could become corrupted.”

 

“If you want to be dead, you can be dead,” says Taako. “I know what that desire feels like. I know what it means to want to sleep forever but -- that’s my sister. And not existing is different than being dead. Everyone who has ever loved you won’t remember you’re missing.”

 

_ Perhaps a kinder sentence,  _ says the Tree,  _ than knowing, and mourning.  _

 

Taako swallows, his voice wavering. “No,” he promises. “From the other side, I’m telling you - I’d rather mourn Lup every day than face a life of ignorant bliss.”

 

There’s more rustling from the ghosts now, general chatter. It rattles around in Taako’s skull. 

 

“We’re bringing the Light onto your turf,” says Barry, and then looks surprised he’s spoken. “So you guys can decide what we do with it after that, right?”

 

Taako nods, seeing Barry’s angle. “Right so - we’re bringing it to the astral plane. And if it doesn’t work like I said, we don’t save you all - you can personally turn me into one of you guys. Dunk me in some of your rotting impression juice, or whatever. And then I’ll go out when this plane implodes,  just like all of you.”

 

Magnus turns to look at him, panic in his eyes. “Taako -- ”  he says, and then shakes his head. “Me too!” he calls, stepping forward. “Me, too. You can turn me, too, if we try to take it.”

 

Taako gives him a sharp look. “No fucking way am I letting you -- ”

 

“I’m not existing without you,” says Magnus. “So if you go, I go.”   
  


Taako’s heart hammers in his chest. 

 

“Me too,” says Barry. “I’m not -- Lup is in there. And I’m not leaving behind almost half my team if this doesn’t work.”

 

Lucretia, at his side, turns to Davenport, grasping his hand. “Us, too. We make the same promise.”

 

Merle sighs heavily. “I can’t believe you’re making me do this Spartacus shit,” he says. “You’ve all absolutely lost your minds.” He steps forward too, shoving his hands in his pockets. “But yeah, whatever, turn me into one of you guys, too. I’ll be a shrub or something.”

 

The Tree sounds amused when it speaks next. 

 

_ You are not like most humans we have known. But we respect the terms of your agreement.  _

 

“I told you,” says Taako, mouth dry. “We’re different.”

 

“So how does this work?” asks Davenport. “Logistically speaking.”

 

“The Light will magnify Taako’s Blink,” says Lucretia, looking into the Light still. Her eyes reflect its soft glow, giving the illusion of tears. “If we all stand around it, in a circle, he should be able to take us to the astral plane.”

 

“It’ll work, Lu,” says Barry, and Taako realizes suddenly they weren’t the illusion of tears. They’re real. Lucretia turns her face. 

 

“I didn’t ask for you to do that,” says Taako, feeling anxious. The idea that they’re all doomed to non-existence if this risky bet doesn’t pay off, because of the Taaco twins -- it’s too much to bear. His heart ache unbearably. “I’m -- I mean, I’m grateful. That you all did. I - I’m grateful that if we have to rot slowly in the astral plane, it’ll be together.”

 

Lucretia smiles weakly at him, and Magnus takes his hand. They spread into a circle around the Light, and Taako reaches forward into its warmth. 

 

“Okay,” he says. “Here goes.”

 

And then they’re gone. 

 

+++

 

The astral plane looks worse, somehow, than when Taako had last seen it. The black blood is everywhere. It had been like that before, technically, but now Taako's aware of it in a different way. The space feels thicker, like it's congealing. They're still standing in the cave, kind of, the Light between them like a sun. 

 

It hits Taako at once -- the black blood, thicker than ever -- that's the ghosts. 

 

That's what the ghosts have become here, in the astral plane. It's seeping up their legs. 

 

"So - Lup - is like this," says Barry in anguish, and Taako nods, words caught in his throat. 

 

"Yeah," he says. "She is. I don't know - I don't know where she is, or what part of this she is, but - yeah. Part of her is this."

 

Merle looks green, swallowing thickly. 

 

"So," says Magnus, with trepidation, "what do we do now?"

 

Taako hadn't thought this far. He hadn't thought about how he was going to make the Light do whatever it was supposed to do. It had always just done it before. Whatever it does.

 

"Isn't it supposed to be like, growing?" asks Merle, gesturing vaguely around it. "Or - stopping this?" 

 

_ Yeah _ , thinks Taako, with a horrible sinking feeling.  _ It is.  _

 

"We've been able to reason our way through this," says Davenport, voice trembling. "So let's stay calm. The Light probably just functions differently in all this matter."

 

"Right," says Lucretia, seizing the chance to be logical. "Right. Okay, so maybe it's - maybe it's blocking the Light from growing. It needs a conduit."

 

Taako closes his eyes. "Lup," he says. "It has to be Lup. She's the only thing that's both living and dead."

 

Lucretia looks at him warily. "Do you think you could - contact her?"

 

Panic rises in Taako's throat. "I don't know - I don't know, she's always just sort of been there, she's always been around, I don’t know if this is going to  _ work,  _ if she’s too far gone, maybe she’s just this black stuff now, maybe she’s -- "

 

Magnus pulls him into his arms suddenly, warm and reassuring. It's the strangest sensation - floating in thick, inky blood, tucked into Magnus's embrace. 

 

"It's okay," murmurs Magnus into his hair. "We're going to be okay. Just breathe. Just - just imagine you're in the kitchen with me. Imagine you're making food, and I'm bothering you."

Taako smiles gently into Magnus's chest. "You're so  _ bad  _ at cooking," he says, and there's a rumble of laughter beneath his cheek.

 

"What are we making?" Magnus asks. "I could go for some barbecue."

 

Taako closes his eyes, picturing it. "Yeah. I'm making you pulled pork. I'm only letting you butter the cornbread." Magnus's body expands and contracts like a hot air balloon beneath him, reassuring and peaceful. 

 

"You can do it, Taako," says Magnus. "You can do anything. And so can she."

 

Tears prick behind Taako's eyes, the weight of trying to hold in his emotions all week long. He lets one escape before rubbing his eyes and straightening, the back of his neck turning red. 

 

Merle’s waggling his eyebrows at them, and Taako gestures rudely. 

 

He takes the Light in one hand and Magnus's in the other and closes his eyes. 

 

_ Lup _ , he thinks. _ Lup. Come and find me. Come and find me.  _

 

The black sloshes around his legs. He’s aware of it by his neck, wrapping around his torso. 

 

_ Lup,  _ he prays.  _ Is that you?  _

 

"You know, bro," he hears, and he almost cries in relief, "that was super gay."

 

His eyes snap open. Magnus is gone, along with the others, but he's still holding the Light. And in front of him, there's Lup. More whole than he'd seen her before, but somehow worse - the combination of all the forms she's taken. 

 

Black blood seeps around her lips, leaves sprout from her fingers, half-corpse, half-Tree. But she's Lup. And she's talking to him. Taako's heart feels like it's going to burst. 

 

"Did you like my acrobatics?" she asks, grinning, and bends over backwards into a bridge, mimicking her Tree self. "Pretty sick, huh?"

 

"Did you think I was going to let you _ not exist? _ " asks Taako, and he realizes he's angry. He's angry at Lup. He'd been so afraid for her, but now he's angry. " _ You don't get to make that choice for me, Lup! _ "

 

She straightens, her face slack. Black blood dribbles out of her nose. "You're here," she says, and she sounds like she’s near tears, "you're here with the Light because I risked something - "

 

"You are half of me!" Taako shouts, and his face grows hot with shame and anger and fear. "You are my heart, Lup. If you didn't exist, I would be a half of who I am, and I wouldn't even know it."

 

Lup looks at him, tears of black blood pricking her eyes. "I'm sorry. I did the only thing I could do. You know that."

 

He does know that. That’s all the two of them have ever done. Anger fading back into despair, he nods miserably. "I know. That's what I'm doing, too. I can't let you not exist. So I brought you the Light."

 

"You can't be here too long," says Lup. "But I'm not going to take this for myself -- "

 

"So give it to them," says Taako, and he's aware that he feels like he's sinking  into the darkness. "Give it to them. We made a promise, that we'd all stay here if the Light didn't do what we said it would. You're the only person who can do this. You're the only conduit. You have to heal the rot, and then you have to heal yourself. You have to promise me you'll heal yourself, too."

 

Lup hesitates, and then nods. "After I heal this plane, I promise. I promise I'll heal myself, too."

 

Taako nods. "Can you bring me back to our friends?" he asks. "Before you go and - do your thing?"

 

Lup smiles, and her teeth are black. "Yeah." She extends a blackened hand, holding the Light in it. Where it touches her, her skin turns to silver and then to flesh. She marvels at it. 

 

"I'll be right back," she swears, and Taako closes his eyes. 

 

When he opens them, he's back in Magnus's arms. 

 

"Is she -- " asks Barry, and Taako swallows the lump in his throat.

 

"She's going to save the plane, and I made her promise that she'd save herself, too. We can't stay here, it's gonna fuck our - molecules up, or whatever. I don't know. We can't be here. She'll bring the Light back."

 

They all look terrified, and Taako knows that his expression matches theirs. 

 

"We're going to be fine," he says, looking at Magnus, who nods encouragingly. "We're saving the universe."

 

He looks at them all as they join hands, a circle around the space where the Light of Creation had been, each face worn with determination and fear. They were willing to fade into nothingness with him. They were willing to stop existing for him. As Taako closes his eyes and prepares to ease them into their own plane, he realizes it: this is what love is. 

 

And as the astral plane fades into nothingness, Taako Blinks the people he loves back to safety. 

 

And he laughs. 

 

+++

 

He goes back to the astral plane the next day, of course, just to check. When he arrives, it’s clean. Clean black and grey emptiness, the silvery impressions flitting in and out of his view like they should be. Lup isn't there, which Taako reminds himself is good. It's good that she isn't there.

 

They're protecting the Light from the Hunger, and oh yeah - they saved the astral plane and this planet, too. 

 

Lup is still dead, but at least she's only dead. He can still remember her. So that's good. 

 

But he isn't at ease, can't be fully at ease, without Lup at his side. Without his other piece. 

 

When the end of the year comes, and they narrowly escape with the Light once again, it's sheer relief. 

 

But it's nothing, nothing compared to Lup's voice attached to her body - her actual human body, whole and perfect, looking at he and Magnus holding hands with a smug expression.

 

"Hey Merle," she calls, looking Taako square in the eye, "so how big do you think Magnus’s dick is?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience with this chapter going up, I appreciate you reading, and I especially appreciate Coyote's enduring love, affection, and hearing me complain about writing a gift for her that was my own idea to begin with.
> 
> xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Broods' song of the same name. Fanmix forthcoming, maybe?
> 
> Thank you for reading whatever this is


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